Who says you can never go home again?
Certainly not the Walt Disney Corp. Sequelizing and re-releasing its animated hits, the world’s largest entertainment organization refuses to surrender “happily ever after” to the imagination. Instead, the Mouse House welcomes us back to its dubious den, serving up recycled images and embattled feminism. Welcome home, fairy tale lovers. If Disney had its way, you’d never leave.
“Return to Neverland,” Disney’s 1953 “Peter Pan” sequel that opened this weekend, proves this point. In the film, Wendy’s daughter, Jane, is abducted by Captain Hook then rescued by Neverland’s favorite boy in tights – sort of. Peter delivers her from the pirates, but to get back to her home of World War II-torn London, the traumatized Jane must “rediscover a childlike sense of joy she has lost.” And aghast audience members must hurl the contents of their stomach linings. What’s next, I wonder: Anne Frank On Ice?
Actually, what follows on its heels isn’t much better. On Feb. 26, Disney will release direct-to-video “Cinderella II: Dreams Come True.” A trio of shorts discloses Cinderella’s attempts at royal home-making, with our pumpkin patch princess proclaiming, “I have to try this my way.”
So who is this new Cinderella on the block, and is hers the way of feminist trailblazing? If Disney.com’s Enchanted Castle Activity is any indication, the answer’s “Hell no.” Players are invited to “help Cinderella prepare for the Royal Ball by helping her tidy the palace, bake cookies, and accessorize her gown.” How’s that for grrl power?
Cinderella shakes up the gender order June Cleaver style – which is to say, not at all. And that fact is more stinging than any 1950’s-era chauvinism. Disney might just as well invite us to yank off Cinderella’s slippers and plant a bun in her oven! Because it’s 2002 now. And damn it, I thought we knew better.
Already released in the United Kingdom, “Cinderella II” has garnered nothing but derision. J.J. Williams, author of a review entitled “NIGHTMARES come true,” pronounced, “Bibidy Bobity DON’T!”
But Disney keeps bibidy bobity doing it, at least in terms of spitting out sequels. “Lady and the Tramp,” “The Rescuers,” “The Little Mermaid,” “Beauty and the Beast,” “Aladdin,” “The Lion King” and “Pocahontas” all boast sequels, while follow-ups to “Dumbo,” “The Jungle Book,” “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” and “Atlantis” are currently in development. The possibility of a Lion King III has been bouncing around the Internet for months, with reports ricocheting like a possessed ping pong ball.
Said Leonard Maltin, author of “The Disney Films,” a video sequel “is all about marketing.” Buoyed by name recognition and targeted at pre-literate children and staunch fans of the originals, it’s virtually guaranteed success – no matter how insipid the content.
“The Emperor’s New Groove,” a 2001 theatrical release, earned critical raves and $185 million. “Lady and the Tramp II,” released straight-to-video in the same year, barely registered a blip on the media radar screen but brought in $154 million and cost 75 percent less to make. Executives love shoe-string videos.
And kids embrace them whole-heartedly. Salvador Gonzales, author of a petition to save “Snow White” from sequels, admitted, “I bought some of the sequels for my 3-year-old niece, and she likes them. She doesn’t know the difference.”
Journalist Dave Barry’s 2-year-old daughter reacts the same way, “soaking up the Disney stories the way a fraternity soaks up beer.” Barry has tried to “distract her from these shallow, gender-stereotyping, ludicrously romanticized girlish fantasies by interesting her in realistic, intellectually challenging, character-building activities.”
He suggested they watch football.
All things considered, football might not be such a bad substitute. Chronicling the rags-to- riches tale of a scrappy New England underdog, Superbowl XXXVI might be the best Cinderella story out there.
And revisiting its footage sounds like an easier homecoming than squeezing back into the oppressive Mouse House. Because it’s 2002 now.
And damn it, I know better.
