Fact: a dorm, unlike an ancient castle in Ireland or a Motel 6, is not that glamorous.It will be, of course, the venue for a very important series of memories to define your freshman year of college, but let’s be real. The only people who live there are either between the ages of 18 and 22 or spending such exorbitant amounts of money on graduate school that they have no choice, so all bets are off.Actual rules do not apply. But not to worry – once you accept and dismiss the reality of the situation, it will be the time of your life.Let’s begin by addressing the issue of stuff. You have been alive for something like 18 years, and during that time you have acquired a lot of stuff, most of which is entirely useless. As you pack, you will think to yourself, “I rule. Look how much I’ve downsized!” And your father’s eyes will shine with glee upon discovering that he will have visibility out of precisely one-sixteenth of the rearview mirror during your 8-hour drive. Unfortunately, as you are moving in, you will discover that you’ve left everything you actually need at home, and will have to collect these additional items during Wildcat Welcome Week. You will also have to shove these items into your itty bitty room, alongside your very important lava lamp and pink feather boa. My point is that “moving in” to a dorm is a bit more complicated than angling the bed in the other direction.Once you get settled in, you can start adjusting to the inevitable changes in your daily routine. You will lock yourself out of the room, and consequently, the building.This is best accomplished during Welcome Week, lest you develop a false sense of confidence and saunter into the bathroom sans keys at 3 a.m. on the third Wednesday of classes. By this time, your Community Assistants have recalled that they are graduating from Northwestern in mere moments, and are either studying, sleeping or having nervous breakdowns at 3 a.m., none of which can be gracefully interrupted by you, the idiot who forgot her keys. Laundry is a much better thing to be doing at 3 a.m. on a Wednesday than locking oneself out of one’s room. I mean, you should definitely wash your clothes at some point.It is best, while doing laundry, to actually sit on top of the washer with some homework or your iPod guarding your machines and clothes, perhaps standing up every once in a while and beating your chest, thereby warding off appliance vultures. Also along the lines of clothing, or lack thereof: lock your door when you’re changing clothes, or, ahem, doing anything else that might render you naked. In a dorm, knocking on the door is a dead art, unless you have followed my advice about the chest-beating in which case people are terrified of you.A dorm’s social hierarchy is pretty much just like high school, which is the one thing you’re already good at!All of your important decisions will be made via impromptu gathering, at the door of the one person who is already asleep. One person will become popular enough to have everyone on the floor hang out in their room, without even trying. But unlike high school, this will all be happening to you while you’re locked out of your room, wearing clothes that may or may not be yours and listening to a faint rumble as your crap plummets out of your closet. Welcome to college!Reach Kristyn Schiavone at [email protected].