Burger King: 1740 Orrington Ave., 847-864-9199, bk.com
Five Guys Burgers and Fries: 816 Church St., 847-491-6912, fiveguys.com
Nothing says “dehydration antidote” like a hulking burger melting the bottom of a paper bag with its radioactive juices. Although it would be borderline criminal to group the Whopper and Five Guys’ meaty creations in the same category, both bites offer that Sunday-afternoon jump-start you need to immediately return to bed and Netflix away your Skol-soaked sins. If you’re in an especially masochistic mood, try the BK twofer one weekend: Postgame with a palate-parching TenderCrisp, head home for a paralytic slumber, and rise and shine with another stomach-pandering treat from the House of Hunger Pangquakes. Cold showers and hot coffee have nothing on the healing power of an unapologetic slab of greasy paradise. — Patrick Svitek
