As a soon-to-be graduate of the McCormick School of Engineering, I hope I can eventually go on TV as an engineering correspondent-analyst just like former professional and college athletes are allowed to pontificate on the tube. Seriously, this is a problem, and not just because serious sports journalists are in danger of becoming more unemployable.
It wasn’t the 25 people on every NFL morning show last fall or that my Cavs-Hawks game Sunday night was sent to the studio with…Jalen Rose? Really?
Nor was it the sports blogs of Gilbert Arenas and Curt Shilling or an interview by Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand with the British prime minister, Gordon Brown. Thank goodness we only let Chris Berman interview Barack Obama about sports.
The unlicensed assault rifle that broke the Range Rover’s back was a blog written by former Ohio State phenom and current Toledo Correctional Institute resident Maurice Clarett.
To be honest, the first thing that went through my mind was the Prison Ministry of George Bluth on “Arrested Development.”
Alas! Clarett forgot the first lesson of going to prison as a pseudo-celebrity: convert to some sort of religion and tell everyone you found said deity.
Instead, this pighead reveals he actually likes school and couldn’t imagine he would learn about philosophers when he got sent to the slammer.
Heck, if I was in lockdown for 23 hours a day, I would probably jump into a Bronte novel to keep myself from going completely insane.
Luckily for Clarett, he was already nuts when he got arrested.
The worst part of this whole Prison Blog is not that he might have started to reform, but rather it took solitary confinement in federal prison to bring him some sort of self-actualization and purpose in life aside from a playing a sport. To make matters worse, his “fans” on the site seem to love this newfound optimism and hope from a guy who tarnished the, albeit already sullied, reputation of Ohio State University.
The real tragedy of this blog is only rough and tumble thugs from idiot schools like Ohio State get this opportunity. We all know if a Northwestern football alum went to jail, his blog would be much better than anything Clarett posts.
Aside from his holier-than-thou rhetoric and desire to be taken seriously, even though he is dictating or possibly using Morse code to transmit the blog to folks on the outside, Clarett’s story provides an interesting window into a fallen star’s brain. Because he didn’t hurt anyone or anything in his actions that led to incarceration, Clarett has more credibility and empathy than, say, Michael Vick or O.J. Simpson. Though, if Clarett’s Prison Blog is deemed a success, Americans might have the opportunity to read those. I mean, O.J. already wrote a book discussing how he would have murdered his wife, so we know he likes to write.
The Internet and the blogosphere has enabled everyone to become an author and analyst, but until real journalists learn to play sports as well as get incarcerated, Prison Mo will be the lone correspondent in the clink.
Well, until Charles Barkley’s video podcast during his five-day jail stint happens.
Reach award-winning journalist Brian Regan at [email protected]
