Now that rush is over, auditions are being held for the prestigious position of fraternity groupie.
Wanted: Female students to attach selves to Northwestern University fraternities.
Tasks: Being a groupie means pledging your undying devotion to a fraternity, wearing their ratty t-shirts with pride and spending Wednesday nights on the ritual room floor, tossing bottle caps into half-filled, dirty beer glasses. It means going to all events — even ones that are pointedly, painfully directed at freshman girls — and that you are asked who with, not if, you are going to formal. And once you have hooked up with at least five different boys in the house, you will see no problem with hooking up with five more of them.
Benefits: You adopt all the prestige, status, and reputation of said fraternity. You have a ready group of guy friends and potential hook-ups. No one will bat at an eye when you show up at floor parties in a sweatshirt and jeans. You also get free beer and are automatically added to listserv messages and party lists.
The climax: Supergroupies get recognition. At one fraternity can take home the coveted “Golden Condom Award,” given to the girl who has hooked up with the most members in a given year. Choose to go a different route and you might be awarded the derogatory term “(InsertGreekLetterHere) Bicycle,” given to the girl with whom everyone taken a ride.
Potential hazards: A groupie can be prone to jealous fits, especially when “your” boys start hooking up with “other” girls. Your dating and sexual history become common house knowledge. It might take a while to answer, “Who in this fraternity have you not hooked up with?” Boyfriends also might not be happy about your fraternity history and attachment.
Qualifications: None, but slutty clothes and hot friends and/or roommates a plus.
