Snickers for president

Snickers execs, sympathetic to the frustration many people will feel in voters’ booths next week, saw the elections as the perfect opportunity to play up the candy bar’s slogan, “Not going anywhere?”

In a recent Snickers ad, a man enters a voting booth to do his civic duty. A well-placed sign reads “Vote … feel proud.” (Yes, you should sense the irony.)

Just as the man is about to make his choice, a cartoon elephant representing George W. Bush appears on his shoulder.

“Psst! Vote for me. My dad was president,” the elephant/Bush says. “I even look like my dad.”

“Big deal, my dad was senator,” retorts a cartoon donkey (Al Gore), who positions himself on the guy’s other shoulder.

The caricatures vie for the man’s attention with lines taken right from the mouths of their real-life counterparts — well, almost.

“Yeah, well I invented the Internet … uh huh,” donkey/Gore retorts. “Lots of other stuff, too.”

“My dad and I wear the same pants,” elephant/Bush says later.

“I invented pants,” donkey/Gore says.

The gist of the ad is that everyone should take Snickers to the voting booth to eat while they hem and haw over which unqualified, mud-slinging candidate to vote into office.

Simply put, Snickers stole the nation’s sentiments. Most newspapers have been wishy-washy in endorsements, and this likely will be the closest election in 20 years because no one wants Gore or Bush throwing a four-year sleepover in the White House.

If we seem depressed about all this, well, it’s because we are. In our very first chance to vote in a presidential election, we get shafted by these pathetic options. Sounds like a good reason to pass the chocolate … nyou