By Margo ScottThe Daily Northwestern

This is my last column for PLAY ever and I wanted to blow everyone away with the penultimate in controversy and hilarity. But, due to my senioritis, I put out a sexual APB on Facebook asking NU students to discuss funny hook- up stories, turn ons/offs, advice and quotes for my column. The following are the winners:

Advice: 1st place: “My sex advice is do not have any sort of chest or back hair, then I will highly consider having sex with you. Hair is a total deal breaker.” 2nd place: “When performing the age-old task of cunnilingus, PLEASE be consistent with your movements! If you want us to come, you must do the same thing with that beautiful tongue of yours. If you have a heyday doing new and crazy things we will NEVER come! Also, using your fingers at the same time helps.”

Funny stories: 1st place: “So last year, I was fooling around with my girlfriend and we were drunk and it was a good time. We were making out and things started to get heavier and I went down to finger her. As I slipped my finger inside of her she looked at me bewildered and said ‘wrong hole.’ I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.” 2nd place: “So freshman year, I was hooking up with a girl at a frat and things started progressing. So we went back to Bobb, got ready for some fun and then she decided she was tired and went to sleep with me standing naked in the middle of her room. Maybe it was the hormones, the alcohol or the embarrassment, but I then made the brilliant decision to steal her underwear as retribution. I immediately felt like an idiot and only told a couple people, but she never came looking for me. I thought I got away with it. Then sophomore year my old roommate mentioned it in passing to her, thinking she knew I had taken them, which she hadn’t. She proceeded to get drunk and hunt me down in my dorm. She didn’t believe that I threw the underwear away out of embarrassment and then I made the mistake of making a peace offering with a pair of my own underwear. So she took a pair of my boxers and apparently showed them proudly to the rest of her sorority at chapter like she had gone hunting and was showing off her catch. She also won some weekly award for it.”

Turn on: “Scars with good stories behind them.”

Turn-off: “Full body mohair sweaters.”

Best Quote: “My vagina is raw.” This is cheating – I actually received this via text message the next morning from a friend who had a not so good hook-up. She actually doesn’t know I’m including this.

So, farewell dear readers, I bid you a fond adieu. I will be continuing to write on Elle magazine’s advice columnist’s Web site as a Top Campus Columnist, so you can catch me at (shameless plug) www.askejean.com. One final note: be safe, use lube and have fun! XOXO!4

SESP senior Margo Scott is a PLAY sex columnist. She can be reached at [email protected].