Margo ScottThe Daily Northwestern
Confession time: I am in a long distance relationship. If you read over my archived columns (snooze), I’ve said they never work. Well, never say never; so far, so good. The point of my divulgence is, of course, to dole out some advice, dear readers. If you’re going to send naughty pictures, videos or texts – destroy the evidence.
I’m all for doing naughty things on film – don’t get me wrong. My porn article is proof enough. But, I think when it comes to sending off dirty photos, less is more. For example, there’s a lot you can show without showing all your naughty bits. For instance, ladies, have a friend take close ups of the small of your back, your collar bone, lace across your cleavage. My partner is Jewish, so I sent eight dirty photos everyday to celebrate each of the eight nights of Hanukkah – and showed nothing more than I would in a bikini. And, my partner still enjoys them to this day. Men, your chest and upper back – and those muscles that cut in from your hips that D’Angelo popularized in his “Untitled” video – are a sure bet. If you want to take pictures of your own genitalia, use the auto focus and be warned that sometimes it can end up looking like medical school photos – not so sexy.
The same goes for picture messages. That technology is still fairly new and if you take a photo of something too graphic the recipient may be wondering what the hell the photo is of, not about how quickly they can get naked with you. Also, be sure to delete those for both parties’ sake. If you change partners like you change underwear, your inbox may contain photos of previous lovers and any snooping will inevitably uncover naughty hieroglyphics from your past. Same goes for e-mails and files on computers. You think you and your new squeeze are close enough to share passwords? Congratulations, that’s adorable. But, just delete any evidence of partners past.
For example, my partner breaks cell phones like George Clooney breaks hearts. So, my kind best friend recently gave butterfingers her old phone as a replacement. But, she neglected to delete some blue photos of her off said cell phone. Now my partner knows her WAY better than either of them ever intended and awkward phone calls ensued, to say the least.
As for videotaping any antics you and your partner(s) engage in, I’d think twice. Leave it up to the professionals – they have forgiving lighting. If/when you break up, custody of said tape has to be argued over and potentially destroyed. Also, do you really need to see what the two of you look like?
In this age of technology, I am often reminded of what my father told me once: Don’t do anything you wouldn’t be willing to explain on television. I think it goes the other way too: don’t do anything on television you wouldn’t be willing to explain. 4
SESP senior Margo Scott is a PLAY sex columnist. She can be reached at [email protected].
