Roommates who avoid class, sob uncontrollably, stop eating, hook up with a different partner every night or smash their own belongings – we’ve all witnessed behaviors like these or we know someone who has. What’s the right way to respond?
Last week’s Virginia Tech tragedy was carried out by a student whose violent tendencies had caught the attention of faculty and classmates long before the incident. Some reported their concerns, others ignored the warnings, but university officials and police felt powerless to intervene because no specific threat had been made.
Upon moving into his freshman dorm, my friend at a nearby university learned his assigned roommate had a police record for aggravated assault and had been expelled from high school for throwing desks during an exam. His school knew this history but neglected to share it with my friend.
Another friend’s freshman roommate moved her pregnant, non-student girlfriend into their room and the pair used the space to deal drugs.
Many Northwestern women know someone who exercises compulsively and eats only tiny food servings.
While it is unlikely that any of these people, even the student with the history of aggression, will endanger the lives of others on campus, all pose a serious threat to themselves.
Years ago, colleges operated “in loco parentis” (in place of parents). They monitored students’ activities with curfews, segregation of the sexes and attendance policies. In these more liberal times, such controls are gone. As the director of the campus counseling services at Virginia Tech rationalized to the New York Times, “The University is not part of the mental health nor the judiciary system.” Now personal safety is regulated by technology like security doors, which protect us from outsiders but not ourselves.
For well-adjusted students, this freedom is fine. But for those who need support, a hands-off policy leads to a dangerous level of indifference.
Troubled students aren’t completely isolated. They are part of a community. We interact with them in seminars and dining halls. We are not therapists, but we can recognize a problem. Yet there is no protocol for how an observer should handle such situations.
Do we phone the residence’s Community Assistant? Contact the academic advisor or a counselor? Call parents? Each option has possible drawbacks. You don’t want to get the student in trouble if they are simply going through a rough patch. You can’t force someone to go to therapy if they are unwilling. If you don’t know their parents, you can’t be sure if they’ll believe you, question your motives or impose undeserved punishment on their child.
In the wake of the Virginia Tech atrocities, we need to seek solutions that balance the right to privacy with the right to a secure environment. We can’t let our responsibility to protect ourselves overwhelm our concern for others’ well-being. One would hope that if the tables were turned, someone would not tune you out.
