By Margo ScottPLAY Columnist
In the last column of the quarter before Spring Break, I feel compelled to offer some advice for those of you looking for some vacation action. I have compiled a list of important things to know, a dos and don’ts if you will, from the vaults of my own and others’ experiences.
10. When flying to an exotic destination, don’t try to join the Mile High club with a stranger to pass the time. Get to know the person a bit before you try to cram yourself into bathrooms smaller than your luggage. And of course, be safe. Lock the door, put on the “occupied” sign and wrap it up.
9. There is no shame in enjoying a few cocktails before and during the flight. There is shame, however, in being shitfaced and drooling on the person next to you and vomiting on their Bermuda shorts.
8. When traveling to a sandy, warm location, do be careful to properly care for your naughty bits. Ladies, a rapid change in climate in addition to a wet bathing suit, hot tubs, and/or sand can create an interesting breeding ground for a host of infections. If you notice anything weird or uncomfortable, try some at-home(hotel?) remedies, like cotton underwear, cranberry juice and yogurt. If it gets worse, get thee to a clinic.
7. Having tequila shot into your mouth in a variety of ways can be fun. Having it shoot back out of your mouth at a rapid speed isn’t, nor is it sexy post-coitus.
6. If you are going home for break, randomly hooking up with an ex can be a tricky situation. Try to establish their relationship status beforehand. This prevents a hook-up at their new squeeze’s house party. That can get ugly quickly, trust me.
5. That is not to say that you shouldn’t hook up with people from home. Sleeping with the person you’ve had a crush on since eighth grade is still strangely satisfying. Again, make sure they’re single and be safe. Nothing ruins a fantasy like the clap.
4. A word about STDs. If you do make the biggest oops of all and aren’t as safe as you should be, again, get thee to a clinic. There are a variety of things a doctor can prescribe or do to prevent certain things. Also, once home, go to your regular doctor and get checked up again to make sure everything is normal.
3. And for God’s sake, I can’t say it enough – be careful! Wrap it up!
2. If you are going for the vacay one-night stands, don’t exchange phone numbers. Don’t make that fake gesture. You’re not going to call that person. E-mail, maybe. Maybe.
1. Have fun. Spring Break is the time for ridiculous shenanigans.
That’s it kids, that is what I’ve gleaned from five collective years of college Spring Breaks, and I hope it helps. Remember to pack light, have fun, take photos and make good choices. Or, if you make bad ones, make sure to remind your friends that what happens on Spring Break stays on Spring Break – and off Facebook.
SESP senior Margo Scott is a PLAY sex columnist. She can be reached at [email protected].
