By Margo ScottPLAY Columnist
Masturbation may be a taboo subject in our society, but it isn’t in this column. Masturbation, as Woody Allen once said, is sex with someone you love. Masturbation is actually good for you, too. It allows you to become more relaxed, lowers stress, helps you become more attuned to your body and most importantly, feels great. That last part is the reason we do it anyway, right?
For some people, masturbating to orgasm doesn’t come quite as quickly as it does to others, no pun intended. Many things can be factors: parental/personal attitudes about sexuality, religion, trauma and/or abuse, and physical injury or limitation. With any of theses things to contend with, I can see why some people “don’t really masturbate” or think it’s “gross.”
It is from this vantage point that I want to continue. For those of you having happy masturbatory orgasms as often as you want them, congratulations – go jerk off. For the rest, please know that you are not alone. Plenty of people, especially women, have trouble becoming orgasmic alone and with partners. I feel masturbation is a huge part of discovering yourself- it’s allowing you to get to know what makes you feel good, and that will be important for the rest of your life. It’s sexy as hell to know what pleases you. Masturbation is not only for when you are in between partners, as Dr. Betty Dodson says, it’s an ongoing love affair with yourself throughout your whole life. So, now that you are (hopefully) convinced, I hope you’ll give masturbation a try, or another shot, using a few of the techniques I’ve gathered from the Sinclair Intimacy Institute, Dr. Dodson and my own experience. Try them alone first, but once you feel ready, you can show a partner. Que Sexy!
First, take inventory of your beliefs about sex and masturbation. Allow yourself to just get them out, maybe in a journal, and to try to understand and work through them. Next, find time to relax alone. Lay comfortably and breathe deeply. Try tensing and releasing different muscle groups. Then, when you feel ready, after you’ve completely relaxed, examine your genitals. Next, try just touching them. Then, when you feel ready, try putting some water based lube on your hands. If you’ve read any of my previous columns, you know I’m all about lube. Try stroking your genitals with the lubed hand. Continue to breathe deeply and relax. Women may find it pleasurable to just rub their clitorises, where the inner labia meet at the top of the vulva. Vibrators can also help in this stimulation. Choosing a vibrator can be daunting, but calling or visiting a friendly sex shop, like Early to Bed (5232 N. Sheridan Rd.), can help. Shameless plug, I know.
As you continue to masturbate, stay in your body. Think about whatever turns you on and keep going. Don’t worry about achieving an orgasm, just enjoy the sensation. Putting pressure on yourself won’t help. Keep trying and you will achieve orgasm. Feel free to talk to a sex educator if you feel like you want additional help. Good luck, and enjoy!
SESP senior Margo Scott is a PLAY sex columnist. She can be reached [email protected].
