Northwestern University and Evanston's Only Daily News Source Since 1881

The Daily Northwestern

48° Evanston, IL
Northwestern University and Evanston's Only Daily News Source Since 1881

The Daily Northwestern

Northwestern University and Evanston's Only Daily News Source Since 1881

The Daily Northwestern

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Which Trojan should you choose in the clutch?

USC’s Matt Leinart:

Leinart has game on and off the field. He dated surfer and Roxy model Veronica Kay before breaking up with her.

Leinart has the star quality needed for a great Heisman champ: He has paparazzi following him around L.A.

Leinart is a man of the people. He has his own blog where he keeps in regular contact with fans.

Leinart can connect with the handicapped of our nation. He was born with strabismus in one eye, a disease that required two surgeries.

Leinart isn’t a quitter. Reggie Bush was pre-med before giving up and switching to psychology. Turns out being a doctor isn’t as easy as scoring a touchdown.

Bush is nothing but the Ralph Nader to Leinart’s Al Gore. Don’t worry, Leinart also has a lockbox.

Bush has been so good only because defenses have been busy paying attention to the guy handing him the ball. His high school QB was Utah State star Alex Smith. Can you say Clinton Portis?

Bush doesn’t even speak with proper grammar: “At lot of people told me that Writing 140 was going to be a pain, but I actually liked it. I liked the teacher, and everything turned out good.” Sound like another Bush we know?

Bush’s favorite class? Exercise. ‘Nuff said. Go play dodgeball, Reggie.

USC’s Reggie Bush:

Bush runs the 100-meter dash in 10.3 seconds. Leinart can’t get his hair ready for a game in 10.3 hours.

Bush’s slashing style makes him the most deadly USC running back since O.J. Simpson. And we know how dangerous the juice is.

After much deliberation we at The Daily have realized that “Reggie” rhymes with “veggie.” Eat healthy. American kids are fat.

Reggie’s last name is Bush, which is cool — and not just because it’s the President’s last name.

Leinart still has lunch with his dad every Wednesday. Does he bring his Barbie lunch box to school every other day?

Leinart was blind. Bush’s speed is blinding. You do the math.

There is only room for one good-looking, award-winning, white male celebrity QB in this nation, and he lives in New England.

Bush is a man of the people. He went to a public school in the middle of San Diego. Leinart went to one of the top private schools in California.

Leinart has a blog. I mean, c’mon people. Bloggers are losers.

Leinart broke up with a model. Not to quote T.O., but “if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck …”

Bottom line:

You shouldn’t choose any Trojan. They are never trustworthy. Choose a Bruin instead.

And yeah, we were talking about football.

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Northwestern University and Evanston's Only Daily News Source Since 1881
Which Trojan should you choose in the clutch?