I am guilty — quite guilty, in fact — of pretending to be stuck in my own world, looking down at my phone or the sky above and saying, “Oh, look, a red bird in that tree over there!” when I see someone I kind of know 20 feet ahead of me on Sheridan Road, when we have yet to establish the greeting phase of our nascent relationship. 

Just like making the first move, I avoid initiating a greeting, especially when I’m unsure whether the other person will reciprocate. What if they don’t hear me? What if they don’t respond? In most cases, when I see a recognizable face up or down Sheridan, I hold back my “Hi” until they lock eyes with me and begin to smile.

This is the epitome of behavior for a classic socially anxious individual like me. According to a study on social anxiety in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, socially anxious people may struggle more with reciprocity of prosocial behaviors, making an unanswered “Hi” on Sheridan feel like the end of the world. 

What baffles me more is the American cultural phenomenon of greeting neighbors and strangers alike. In the opening act of “The Truman Show,” Truman greets everyone on his block before heading to work. He doesn’t know them, so why say hi?

This can be explained by civil inattention, a term coined by sociologist Erving Goffman in his book, “Behavior in Public Places”: the etiquette of noticing someone without inviting a conversation. Greeting someone is not a job-to-be-done; rather, it is a practice of politeness in acknowledging a shared space. 

Perhaps that’s what scares me: “Hello” can mean nothing to one person and everything to another all at once. 

The fear of an unrequited interaction often supersedes my desire to seem affable, so I default to averted gazes, performative music listening and a tight-lipped mouth. You’ve probably seen the three wise monkeys, whether as a Japanese maxim — Mizaru, Kikazaru and Iwazaru — or simply as the monkey-covering-eyes emoji set. See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil. 

Not that the person across from me on Sheridan is evil, per se. But to me, pretending not to see someone feels like the safest way to avoid guilt, awkwardness or both.

However, just because you pretend not to see them — like a toddler who covers their eyes to hide in hide and seek — it doesn’t mean you are not seen. Just to be sure, here are my parameters for deciding whether you should say “Hi” when you pass someone on the street.

Always 

Friends. Someone you worked on a class project with. Someone you’ve said “Hi” to before. Someone with whom you’re in a club or organization. Professors and teaching assistants. These are people who, if you don’t greet them, may negatively impact your ongoing relationship with them.

Not necessary, but socially acceptable in some cultures 

Mutual friends. Anyone with a dog or a stroller. People you’ve maybe said “Hi” to before, but you forgot. Someone you met at Reza’s on day three of Wildcat Welcome, with whom you exchanged Snapchats, but no friendship ever blossomed, and have seen at various functions over the past three years. A person you kissed more than once. An ex of any kind (good ending). These are people who fall in the gray area — it doesn’t hurt to say “Hi,” but it doesn’t hurt to pretend you don’t know them either.

Oh, look! A bird!

An ex of any kind (bad ending). Someone you’ve kissed once. Anyone who passes you right after you trip over yourself. People you don’t know. In this case, saying “Hi” may elicit a negative response, so proceed with caution. 

My general rule of thumb is that if you’ve never had a conversation with someone, you don’t have to say “Hi.” To caveat, it would be nice if you had a mutual understanding of each other’s presence and acknowledged it as an opportunity to blossom into a friendship. 

So, the next time you try to slide into their DMs, maybe try bumping into them on Sheridan and saying “Hi” first.

Zoe Chao is a Medill junior and author of “Undecided.” She can be contacted at [email protected]. If you would like to respond publicly to this op-ed, send a Letter to the Editor to [email protected]. The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of all staff members of The Daily Northwestern.