Is it us or is it them?

People say our college years are the most formative years of our lives. We grow up. We form our identity. We solidify our values. As cliche as it sounds, we find ourselves. But who’s really making these decisions?

In regards to body image, for example, we as college students put a lot of emphasis on “looking good.” We go to the gym. We go on diets. We drink protein shakes. We do all we can to look fit and attractive. But why do we do this? And who gets to decide who looks good? Too often, when we decide we need to look “healthy,” it’s not so much that we really care about being and feeling healthy. We want to look skinny, we want to look buff and we want to look toned. Why? Because society tells us that’s what’s expected. Society tells us that anyone who strays from the norm will be ostracized and left out.

Another thing we let others influence is our decisions about our futures. As I was reading the NU Class Confessions Tumblr the other day, I realized that a lot of people chose their majors not based on what they’re interested in, but on what could provide them with the “best” future. They felt guilty for choosing a major they wanted to choose because they felt like they were going to spend $240,000 on an education that’s not going to give them much in return. They said people would criticize them. They said their parents wouldn’t approve.

Society says it’s wasteful and unnecessary and that people have to choose a “practical” major that can provide them with a “practical” career, which will lead to a stable future. But I don’t think it’s worthless to spend that much on an education with a major you really love. For one thing, you’ll be much more invested and happier with your academic life. Also, when you’re really passionate about something, I believe that you’ll find a way to make it work and make a future out of it.

Lastly, we let others influence us in who we date and love. We don’t want to admit it, but something we think about a lot when it comes to dating is, “What would others think?” We worry about so many different things. Would our parents approve? Would others give us weird looks if they see us together? Would people think I’m too good for him/her? Would people think he/she is too good for me? On a more superficial level, we start thinking, “Would others think they aren’t attractive?” “Would others think they aren’t high-class enough?” “Would others think they aren’t intelligent enough?” We shouldn’t care about all these things. A relationship on its own already takes so much effort and has its own set of problems we have to worry about. For the sake of everyone’s sanity, we shouldn’t think of even more things to be concerned about.

I’m not saying it’s bad to let others influence our decisions. On the contrary, I think we should ask for others’ opinions. People can provide us with a different perspective on things and bring up other sides of the issue that we never even thought about. What I’m saying is that we shouldn’t let others’ opinions have priority over our own. If we really love something, if we really love someone, if we really love our appearance, then who’s to say we’re wrong? Ultimately, I think our end goal is our happiness.

And honestly, I think we’re the only ones who can decide what makes us truly happy.

Kathy Hong is a SESP junior. She can be reached at [email protected]. If you would like to respond publicly to this column, send a Letter to the Editor to [email protected].