Work, Sex and Play: ‘The Real World,’ episode 3

Rohan Nadkarni, Online Sports Editor

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This week’s episode was mainly about Johnny and Averey’s sexcapades.

Apparently Johnny has entered some kind of new, 11th dimension where hot girls only want to have sex at all hours of the day. Averey, the Hooters waitress who probably just upped the “delightfully tacky” company’s business by 400 percent, admitted to having uncontrollable sexual urges earlier in the season.

And now, with Averey and Johnny entering the “boyfriend-girlfriend” stage of their relationship, she doesn’t have to hold back. As a result, a big portion of the episode was devoted to Averey and Johnny discussing the odd hours at which they get down, and Averey even introduced Johnny to some sex toys.

While it wasn’t exactly surprising to see MTV exploit the sexual angle of the relationship, Johnny and Averey at least offer hope for true love on the show. It may not be “Silver Linings Playbook,” but Johnny and Averey actually have a good relationship void of the typical reality TV drama.

Joi also left the cast 15 minutes into the episode. It hardly deserves more than a sentence because her presence (or lack of presence) on the show made absolutely no difference at all. The only thing Joi contributed was her naked pictures that are easily accessible via Google.

Jessica, the Southern girl who appears to be a 12-year-old trapped in a 20-something body, went on a date with some really tall dude. She didn’t want to bring him into bed because of her principles and a fear of getting attached, so instead she laid her head on his lap (read: crotch), and they made out.

This led to an awkward scene where an obscenely tall man contorted his body to nearly a C-shape just to kiss a girl lying on his lap, confirming just about every male stereotype of the lengths we will go to make out with someone.

Jordan continued to be the object of everyone’s hatred. Literally every single other roommate hates him. I’ve never seen so much unified dislike of a cast member before. Although his one-hand wakeboarding impressed everyone, Jordan’s talents weren’t enough to stop people from despising every fiber of his being.

The roommates also began working. Anastasia aka Bird joined Jessica at a frozen yogurt stand. Marlon, Averey, Johnny and Jordan took jobs at a pizzeria-pub hybrid. MTV really teased Johnny and Averey’s tryst in the pub’s bathroom, but nothing came of it.

MTV also teased the arrival of “Hurricane” Nia, the replacement roommate for Joi. But Nia has yet to step foot into the house. Instead, all we got was one phone call where Nia pretended to have a Southern accent.

While I’m still bitter about the tease of Nia not turning into anything, she seems like the perfect reality-TV sociopath. We’re talking about someone pretending to be a half-white, half-Cherokee Southerner during her first interaction with her new roommates. Hopefully she brings some good drama outside of the requisite Jordan hatred.

Ryan’s take: A pretty mellow episode, with only a brief bathroom whoopie session to break up what has become the monotony of Jordan bickering. So I will only say this: MTV, YOU DO NOT TEASE ME WITH THE PROSPECT OF A CRAZY NEW ROOMMATE IN THE FIRST 15 MINUTES ONLY TO SAVE IT FOR THE NEXT EPISODE. I understand you need to keep people interested, but when a dude who didn’t eat an orange until he was 17 is what you have to tide me over, then something here isn’t right. We need more Daisy-cam and less toying with my emotions, MTV.

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