Most Likely to Forget What He Did Last Night
In the middle of Fall Quarter, a Facebook account under the name of Sargent Panda popped up on many people’s friend request lists. Famous for its mysterious rage-faced panda image, Sargent Panda soon became popular within Sargent Hall and beyond. There has been great controversy over who the panda really is: Fingers have been pointed and wild guesses have been made, including a security guard and a dining hall chef.
Whether he’s the invention of a student, staff member or someone else, the Bacardi- and Baileys-drinking bear sure knows how to have a good time and is very much adored by the ladies, according to pictures updated every weekend. Only before midterms and finals can we see the pictures of this perpetual party animal passed out in front of books instead of empty bottles.
At the height of his career, Sargent Panda was looked upon as the epitome of a party-hearty member of the class of 2016. However, the panda has been fading away from people’s views (and news feeds) recently. We’re wondering what happened to him — too busy pledging and bonding with his bros? In a relationship? Or more likely the panda has just outgrown freshman shenanigans. But we’ll all remember the enigmatic Sargent Panda, just like how we’ll always have a (deeply buried) place for our wild and ridiculous first years in our hearts.
Most Congenial
NU Compliments, the most endearing Northwestern-related social media profile out there, is all about anonymously praising the students of NU, with not one bad word to say about anybody.
The Facebook profile, activated Nov. 15, truly follows the advice given by Thumper’s father: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” Adhering to that advice has made NU Compliments very popular — who doesn’t want to be friends with someone who only says nice things? It’s also a self-esteem boost to receive a compliment, with all 2,440 of Compliments’ Facebook friends audience to the public praise, in addition to friends of the complimentee. The complimenter’s anonymity adds an air of excitement, like getting a message from a secret admirer.
Anyone who doesn’t like NU Compliments is probably upset because of a personal lack of received compliments, or just jealous of Ms. Compliments’ Facebook-official relationship with Sherman Ave. Although the open relationship does give students concern Compliments could get her heart broken, she’ll have more than enough friends to support her if it goes badly. You better tread carefully, Sherman Ave.
This page has really helped bring friends of the account together in a positive way, allowing them to praise people who are also friends with NU Compliments. Posts read like: “Christine Jones is one of the most amazing people I’ve met at Northwestern. She can get along with virtually anyone, and my conversations with her are always so meaningful. She is also an INCREDIBLE performer who will go so far.”
In a culture that appears increasingly negative, NU Compliments seems like a ray of sunshine, highlighting the kindness and friendliness of students — and it’s beloved because of it.
Most Sarcastic
Stuffnorthwesternpeoplelike satirizes the culture of NU very eloquently — so eloquently, it’s enough to make you laugh out loud in the periodicals section of the library and to make everyone else wonder two things: what all that guffawing is about, and what you’re reading.
Since its birth in October, Stuffnorthwesternpeoplelike publishes posts in a list format with an explanation why, for instance, “the concept of Chicago,” “reading week” and “passbacks” are a strong part of the culture here. Some of the funnier posts are “hating couples,” “screenshots of Evanston weather” and the “soda versus pop debate.”
And of course, there’s also a whole post dedicated to Chet Haze.
The post that really hits home though, is “calling people of the opposite sex ugly.” Here the author explains dating culture, or lack thereof, at NU; the post says both male and female Wildcats generalize the population of the other gender as not attractive. Favorite quote: “A vast majority of the guys at this school are unattractive but will always find a way to hook up with sloppy blackout girls at the Deuce or somehow use their newfound college kid confidence to snag a girlfriend. Most of the girls are nothing to write home about but can mask that with expensive clothing, make up, knowledge of curling irons and maybe even a stellar personality. Everyone’s a winner, and everyone’s a loser.”
The author remains anonymous, but with pithy observations and attitude like that, it doesn’t matter. Whoever you are, keep it coming — it’s a shame there haven’t been new posts since December.
Most Trustworthy
Northwestern Whispers is a Facebook page based on the iPhone application Whisper. Students anonymously confess a secret to the page, which has a PostSecret format: vivid pictures with a variety of charming, scandalous or poignant secrets as their captions.
Some of the confessions range from “I just want to sit in my bed and watch Netflix all day” and “Why are people so obsessed with getting proposed to at The Rock?” to “I am horrified every time I get into the car with my mother” and “I wish my cat loved me.” Others are more intense. For instance, one confession displays a prescription bottle with the caption “I’m trying not to show how much pain I’m in because I know how much my mom will worry.” Another post features a picture of the Bible and says, “I think the Bible is too judgmental.”
Northwestern Whispers joined Facebook Jan. 7, 2012, and since then has stayed under the radar. So far the page has garnered 73 likes, but it’s so compelling it deserves more traffic. At such an extremely focused, academic and often stressful school, it’s comforting to have a place to blow off steam, and more importantly, to know others are dealing with the same issues.
