Ganjani: Boring quarter is now over

Adam Ganjani

It’s easy to believe that this is already my final column of the year. Many of you thought that Fall Quarter 2008 was one of the most uneventful terms in Northwestern’s illustrious 107-year history. You’re probably right. Nonetheless, these past three months have been unforgettable. Here is a list of 20 Fall Quarter highlights.

1. A record low number of students go to the hospital during Wildcat Welcome, proving the university’s dry policy to be 100 percent effective. And praise for Mary Desler runs rampant on campus.

2. Evanston begins seven-year long construction project on three city streets.

3. The Purple Haze Facebook group helps get undergrads in the student section to wear purple at football games.

4. Disappointed North Campus sophomores realize food at Sargent still sucks.

5. Rumor Royalty stops updating campus on the lives of eight random kids no one liked in the first place, after its Gossip Girl in command finally graduates with an advanced degree in flamboyance.

6. NU’s new flyer zones save 574 trees but prevent me from attending College Feminists meeting.

7. The Class of 2012’s 87 black freshman is down 99 from 1973, but up 87 from 1851.

8. Sketchy townie at the Keg asks me, “How my night’s goin'” as I stand at a urinal. He then proceeds to dance “with” three mortified drunk girls. Classy.

9. Graduate School announces new Ph.D. program: in plants.

10. Bum outside Jewel realizes he still hasn’t sold a copy of Streetwise since 2002.

11. NU seniors forced to solicit themselves on Craigslist after realizing that not even $160,000 worth of education can get them a job in the current economy.

12. Downtown shuttle service expands to weekends, cab-free clubbing emerges.

13. Rumor Royalty resumes blogging on the lives of eight random kids no one liked in the first place.

14. Bobb freshman leaves her dorm thinking her Sarah Palin Halloween costume is original only to find 23 others at off-campus party.

15. Barack Obama elected.

16. Thousands of Californians take to the streets to protest for gay rights in the weeks after the election; unfortunately for them, not enough march to the polls as the state’s gay marriage ban passes.

17. NU’s Muslim-cultural Student Association is outraged that right-wing pundit David Horowitz makes offensive comments about Islam.

18. David Horowitz is outraged that NU’s Muslim-cultural Student Association exists.

19. NU basketball team wins first game by 42 points. Expected attendance at next game remains 12.

20. Patriotic students exercising First Amendment rights think of petty remarks to anonymously insult this column on Daily Web site.