On a Tuesday afternoon at Evanston’s Chute Middle School, a seventh-grader named Martin has no homework requiring my help. But he does have something to say to me.

Using the words “gay” and “faggots,” he tells me what he thinks of Northwestern and its football team. He does not say the team is lousy or that it stinks. Instead, he uses a term that means homosexual to describe a team that most observers would agree is somewhere between bad and awful.

Where did Martin learn these words? Better yet, who taught him to equate being bad with homosexuality?

Part of the riddle seemed to be solved when I heard him singing the lyrics to one of Eminem’s songs. But the rest of the answer came to me later.

Didn’t I say it was foolish that students are not given a day off from classes for the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, didn’t I call that “gay”? Didn’t I tease my friend when he opted to study for the third consecutive night rather than go out to a party, didn’t I call him a “homo”?

I have long been guilty of such offenses. But now, more than just being guilty, I feel guilty. And that is impetus enough for me to change.

It is not too farfetched to suggest that kids like Martin hear and then repeat the things we say. Maybe it is their parents’ responsibility to control what music they listen to, but it is our obligation to consider the ramifications of certain words that come out of our mouths.

For me, “gay” has been only another way of saying “stupid” or “uncool.” I have never connected it with meaning homosexual. It has never been an expression of disdain for or disapproval of gays or their lifestyles. The distinction between using the word “gay” and yet having complete respect for homosexuals is an easy enough one for me to make.

But what about Martin? Can he make that distinction? After growing up using the word “gay” to mean “bad,” how will Martin react when he is confronted with homosexuality? The same way as I have? Perhaps, but maybe not.

When Martin stops to think about the way he uses these words, he may come to the following conclusion: If the players on a last-place football team are “gay,” then a homosexual must be a loser of some sort. Why would anyone respect someone associated with inferiority?

We can look to history to find some of the consequences of equating a certain type of people with a word used to represent something unpleasant. In the years leading up to the Holocaust, Hitler addressed the Jewish Question by saying that Jews were not just undesirable, but that they were parasites. How else do you treat a parasite other than by trying to get rid of it?

If we continuously refer to the things we dislike as being “gay,” do we risk creating obstacles to liking and respecting the people we know to be homosexuals?

Change does not come easy, of course. Hours after my encounter with Martin, I caught myself saying “gay” to mean “stupid.”

I pledged that it would be the last time. Maybe next week I can get Martin to do the same.

Setting an example would be a start.