The other day I found myself on a first date I knew I didn’t want to be at about eight hours before it started. Sitting on Zoom with my therapist, I was complaining about how much I didn’t want to schlep to Chicago that night.

“Why?” she asked. “Do you typically have bad experiences with first dates?”

I told her no, which was true. I also told her I’ve never not been asked on a second date, which was also true. I am amazing on a first date. I ask a great number of questions and follow ups, (sometimes) show genuine interest in the answers and make tons of funny jokes and call backs. Not to mention, my go-to first date shirt is super cute.

I know this sounds totally narcissistic, but I never go into a first date worried that the date might not like me. It’s not just that I think I’m awesome, but that I can’t imagine if a guy doesn’t care for me, that I would be a big fan of his either.

The reason I didn’t want to go had nothing to do with it being a first date, or any number date, for that matter. It was for the same reason I don’t seem to want to do anything this winter: It’s so cold.

I know that sounds lame. My therapist thought so too. But it’s the truth. When it’s cold out, I am too unmotivated to do anything. Not only because the weather is bad, but because I’m moving my body less, causing my homeostasis to be out of whack and my mind to tell me that the best place to hang out is my bed.

But, I went on the date. Why? Well, truth be told, it wasn’t because I wanted to meet someone, even though I did. I actually had pretty low expectations about this guy, considering we matched on Hinge last year and he just resurfaced a couple weeks ago. No, I went on the date because I wanted material.

What kind of monster has Communal Shower Thoughts turned me into?

I actually told my date this, after bringing up my column the first chance I got. “Are you going to write about me?” he asked. “Not about you, but about pushing ourselves to do things we don’t want to do,” I answered.

Little did he know I already wrote that column and totally intended to write about him. And about how he asked, maybe ten minutes into our date, if I thought it was weird that he was 23 and out of college and I was 20 and in college. Like, dude, I don’t know if you know this but it says our age on Hinge. Did you not check before liking?

I did, however, think it was a little weird.

I also knew it wasn’t going to work out when I asked him how his day was and also what he did for work. He told me he was an actor. No hate to actors, I just don’t think I could ever be compatible with one with my personality.

So, I sat through a date I all but forced myself to go on. Why? Honestly, I don’t know, but I will probably do it again. Not with him, though, and actually not because I don’t want to.

Nope, I totally jinxed myself. My date didn’t ask me for a second! Do you think he could tell I was uninterested, or was it my age?

Sylvie Slotkin is a Medill junior. She can be contacted at [email protected]. If you would like to respond publicly to this op-ed, send a Letter to the Editor to [email protected]. The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of all staff members of The Daily Northwestern.