Rose McCarthy has lived in Evanston for over a year. While she hasn’t been actively seeking out love, she has dabbled on dating apps. McCarthy’s verdict? It’s “too much effort.”
“There’s so little information. It’s so curated, and you don’t know if you could actually talk to this person back and forth,” McCarthy said. “You get what they look like and the general hobbies, but not enough on if you can actually hold a conversation with them.”
In 2012, the dating world shifted following the debut of the first swipe-based app Tinder. The subsequent releases of Hinge in 2013 and Bumble in 2014 contributed to a rapidly changing dating world.
Swipe-based dating apps benefited single individuals by widening their pool of potential matches. Yet, even with more than 1,500 dating apps and websites at their fingertips, many say the quality of dating has actually worsened.
Alexandra Solomon, psychologist, author and host of podcast “Reimagining Love,” said that dating apps are no longer used as they were intended to.
While Solomon said dating apps helped make first encounters easier, they’ve become “gamified” to better profit the corporations behind them over time. Solomon added that in doing so, they have inspired feelings of cynicism and increased self-awareness among users.
“Rather than a dating app being a tool, the human beings using the app are the tool,” Solomon said.
Mental health has also played a key role in the reshaping of dating. Solomon said she thinks Gen Z specifically has reordered dating priorities, valuing trust as the most important factor when looking for a relationship.
This has led to greater caution in entering relationships because people don’t want to get their hearts broken or “have the responsibility of breaking somebody else’s heart,” Solomon said.
The moral quandaries and disappointments of dating apps are encouraging some to return to in-person dating. Situations like this are what inspired Chicago resident Penny Gibbons to launch her business, Meet IRL.
Founded in 2023, Meet IRL is a company that hosts in-person speed-dating events throughout Chicago neighborhoods. At the end of January, Meet IRL held its first Evanston-based event.
Following the closures of popular social spaces in Evanston, including Chili’s and Bob’s Pizza, Meet IRL provided a space for single individuals to meet and have short, low-stress conversations.
By spreading to Evanston and hosting more events in the suburbs, Gibbons aims to accommodate more people.
“We really want our events to be effective,” Gibbons said. “We know that distance is an issue for some people, so adding additional locations that can be more convenient and help people meet people in their area is really important.”
Outside of speed dating, Meet IRL hosts activity-based events including pickleball, wine tasting and hikes.
While Gibbons acknowledges that not all of the gatherings will result in true love, she said participating comes with many social benefits. One of Gibbons’ favorite parts is seeing people develop their interpersonal skills more by attending and playing an active role in this development.
“I would love to be part of creating a shift in behavior and confidence for people that are single,” Gibbons said.
For those wary of dating, Solomon said experience-based dates like the ones Gibbons offers are ideal because they give pairs a natural conversation starter.
McCarthy echoed Solomon and Gibbons’ sentiments, saying that in-person events would be “far better” for her.
“Certainly, there are so many wonderful examples of relationships that begin with a swipe,” Solomon said. “But when your relationship begins with that little meet-cute or in-person moment, that gets to always be part of your story.”
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