Spring is (almost) in the air, and so, if the calendar can be believed, is love. Valentine’s Day in college is arguably just as big as classic, huge holidays like Thanksgiving and St. Patrick’s Day, falling in the iconic category of excuses-to-have-parties. Amid the flurry of fundraisers and silly cards, it feels like most students are honestly more into the aesthetic of the holiday than the actual practice.
But for this column, I decided to make a return to the classic format of an advice column, as well as the classic theme of Valentine’s Day: love! Whether it’s panicking about how to navigate a new relationship on the most important day of the year, or desperately trying to read someone else’s mind, nothing says affection and adoration quite like having an absolute breakdown.
Read on to find out my best guess at remedying some classic romantic (and non-romantic) woes.
What do I get my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day? I got nervous because of how important it feels, and now I have like two days left to pull together something nice. – Procrastinating in Plex
Dear Procrastinating,
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a witness to countless relationships over the years, it’s that girlfriends, like souffles, small dogs and cars of a certain age, can sense fear. Valentine’s Day in this context is the sort of medieval torture gauntlet you can only pass through unscathed if you are pure of heart and genuine of intention, and definitely not a witch.
Which is to say it is largely arbitrary and kind of impossible, but the best way out is through! If you want real advice, it’s that honesty is always the best policy. Leading with how you actually feel tends to work best. It might seem like everyone is getting or giving gigantic stuffed animals or showers of rose petals, but a handwritten card or thoughtful collage can be just as impactful. Don’t give up, Procrastinating! There’s still time!
I know it’s dumb, but being single on Valentine’s Day always makes me want to throw up. How do I deal with a full 12 hours of this? – Single in Shepard
Dear Single,
I have to be honest here. This is a dumb question. But it’s okay, because it’s one we all ask ourselves at some point. You are, of course, going to deal with the 12 hours of Valentine’s Day in one way or another, because the time will pass whether you want it to or not, and you will emerge (physically) unscathed from the horrors of being single on a day for not-single people. The question you really meant to ask, I assume, is how to do this gracefully, rather than curling up into a ball under your covers and putting yourself through emotional turmoil just because the calendar has the wrong number on it.
The solution to doing Valentine’s gracefully as a college student is frankly quite easy. Just call up all of your single friends (and let’s be honest, you have them, you’re just not focusing on that right now in order to wallow. Also, this is Northwestern. Be serious) and ask them to hang out. Your friends that are in relationships will hopefully be hanging out with their partners, anyway, and absolutely shouldn’t be bothering you, of all people. Valentine’s Day, as you so astutely pointed out, Single, is only 12 hours. You are going to have so many more days and hours in this year. Even 12 terrible ones won’t compare to the amount of happiness waiting for you in the rest of them.
My partner hasn’t said anything about Valentine’s Day yet, and we’re getting close to the day. Have they planned anything yet? Is it a surprise? What should I do if they haven’t, and we’re suddenly left with no plans at all? Are they planning to break up with me before Valentine’s? – Doubtful in Deering Library
Dear Doubtful,
Are you in some way completely unable to plan anything for Valentine’s Day? Have your partner and you divvied up custody of each holiday? Are you cursed to be unable to communicate with them in any way about expectations for the future? If your answer to any of these questions is no, then I believe you have your answer.
Often, we avoid talking about or bringing up topics that might have an outcome we don’t want to hear. It sounds like you might be worried about the possibility of your partner not putting the effort you need or want into the relationship. You’re worried that they’re going to fail the informal “Valentine’s test” that you’re setting, by forgetting or failing in some way to measure up to your expectations. But you can’t ace a midterm you don’t know is happening.
Communication is crucial to any relationship, and as anyone who has survived a finals season knows, tests (and failure) are a part of life that you can’t avoid forever. Even if a candid conversation doesn’t hold the outcome you want, putting off your disappointment to an arbitrary date won’t make it hurt less. And the great thing about honesty is that if the worst doesn’t happen, you’re able to enjoy it that much more, because you’ve navigated a difficult conversation and expressed what your real expectations are. Doubtful, don’t make your partner guess what you want. Give them a fighting chance to fight for you — and maybe consider planning the next holiday yourself, if it means that much to you!
That’s all from me this week – I’ll be back soon with more invaluable, totally-based-in-real-experience advice. In the meantime, whether you’re single or not (or, tragically, in a situationship) I hope you have a happy Valentine’s Day!
Sincerely,
Best Guess
If you have a pressing problem you need advice on, or a response to this, email [email protected] with “Best Guess” in the subject line.
Mika Ellison is a Medill senior. She can be contacted at [email protected]. If you would like to respond publicly to this op-ed, send a Letter to the Editor to [email protected]. The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of all staff members of The Daily Northwestern.
