When I was in high school, I obsessed over university life by reading an obscene number of online articles.
None impacted me as much as the admissions blog from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, which saw current students write about topics like impostor syndrome, homesickness and burnout. This was the closest I’d get to learning about the minutiae of undergraduate life before moving to Northwestern. Of the dozens of articles I pored over in my tiny Hong Kong bedroom a little over two years ago, no two stuck with me more than “The November Rule” and “The November Rule 2: Electric Boogaloo.” They were written nearly three years apart by sisters, one who appeared to abide by the rule and one who did not.
Basically, the November Rule says freshmen should refrain from dating anyone, particularly upperclassmen, until the end of their first semester. The restriction could apply to sexual relationships, too.
After adjusting that unofficial MIT guideline for the quarter system, my 18-year-old self marched through The Arch with The January Rule and professed it to anyone who would listen.
Of course, life is rarely so simple. I began crushing on someone almost immediately after I met them during Wildcat Welcome. I did tell them I wasn’t “looking for anything” when the topic of dating came up. Upon reflection, I’m pretty glad nothing happened between us.
I’ve experienced how college is a hectic time packed with mistakes. It was important to experience those freshman-coded mishaps without it impacting another person, let alone someone I had just met.
Some mistakes were more avoidable, like flunking an exam. Others were just ill-advised, like jumping into Lake Michigan on a bleak, cold day.
But there were also memories just like the minutiae I used to read about. Buying a warm, savory crepe from Evanston Farmers’ Market. Eating dried mangoes from home during a late night in Mudd Library. These memories will always be mine, no matter who I choose to be with in the future.
Over midway into my first quarter, a friend asked me if I truly believed in the rule or if I was just scared of a relationship. I never answered the question, but the truth was that I was afraid of being in the wrong relationship.
(I blame my parents. They met in college, and part of me has always wanted that stereotypical meet cute!)
The January Rule allowed me to do two things: first, to take my time acclimating to college life. I was able to begin the process of figuring out who I was without being defined by another person.
Second, the rule forced me to reflect during Winter Break. Wildcat Welcome — and International Wildcat Welcome, for international students like me — and Fall Quarter on campus is overwhelming enough. Amid the rush of the quarter system, it is difficult for freshmen to consider their boundaries and expectations in a relationship. It may not be as complex for other people, but it was for me.
I used that first break to mull over what it would be like to date in college. What it would mean to negotiate busy schedules and competing priorities. I also didn’t want to fall into a toxic cycle laden with arguments and disappointments. Call me a perfectionist, but I wanted to do it right.
If you’re reading this as a freshman or an incoming student: I’m not saying The January Rule is an absolute truth, only that it worked for me. I ended that first quarter reassured about my place on campus, independent of another person. While I was not without my lingering doubts, taking time for myself alleviated a lot of my anxieties before Winter Quarter 2023 rolled around.
I went on my first date as a college student on Jan. 7, 2023. The wind was biting but the barbecue we had for lunch was warm. We haven’t stopped going on dates since.
Beatrice Villaflor is a Medill junior. She can be contacted at [email protected]. If you would like to respond publicly to this op-ed, send a Letter to the Editor to [email protected]. The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of all staff members of The Daily Northwestern.
Email: [email protected]
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