The Steam Press: JaneAustenpalooza

Jane Austen’s books are filled with subtly steamy romance.

Source: Mackenzie Broderick

Jane Austen’s books are filled with subtly steamy romance.

Mackenzie Broderick, Columnist

Greetings, culture lovers!

Sadly, Fifty Shades of Fall has drawn to a close (but be sure to check it out online in case you missed any exciting installments). This week, as the Steam Press continues to explore only the finest literature has to offer, we begin our JaneAustenpalooza. And to start the ball rolling, the Steam Press presents the Three Sexiest Things to Ever Happen in a Jane Austen Novel.

Dirty Darcy Dancing

This year marks the 200th anniversary of the publication of “Pride and Prejudice.” That’s right, gentle reader: Darcy has caused women to grow hot under the collar for two centuries now, and he doesn’t show any signs of stopping.

Though P&P has an array of sexy scenes to choose from, the one that leaves them all behind is the dance during the Netherfield Ball. During a time when men and women couldn’t exchange greetings without a chaperone, he and Lizzie get down and dirty in the candlelight. Holding hands, exchanging witty banter and getting sweatier than a co-ed at a frat party.

Steam Rating: Hot enough to burn your stockings

Wet Wandering Willoughby

Willoughby is not the hero of “Sense and Sensibility,” but his bad-boy reputation only serves to heighten the sexiness. Naturally, this tortured soul has nothing better to do than wander around the English countryside during thunderstorms looking for hapless maidens to rescue.

When he does find Marianne injured and seemingly doomed on a cliffside, he takes her in his manly arms and carries her home. This knight in shining armor is too good to be true, but hmm. What a way to fall.

Steam Rating: Toe-toastingly hot

Wentworth’s Words

Ah, the love letter — the wet dream of every English major. And the best, steamiest and dreamiest example is found in “Persuasion.” Anticipation only heightens the sexy, as Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth have waited eight years to admit their true feelings to each other.

Finally, overcome with his feelings, Wentworth pours his soul into a letter that, amazingly, doesn’t spontaneously combust in a fiery explosion of passion. Sexting ain’t got nothing on these two, who exchange vows of true love so hot they must be illegal.

Steam Rating: Warning! Reader may be devoured by the flames

In the words of the late-but-great Jonas Brothers, “Baby, who turned the temperature hotter?” Jane Austen, that’s who. Stay tuned for more steam.

Follow @BadBroderick on Twitter to get your sexy on.