Last week, Las Vegas was abuzz with the biggest tech titans of the world revealing their groundbreaking, shiny new gadgets to crowds of ravenous, tech-hungry fans… well, not really. Despite being titled the Consumer Electronics Show, most of the products featured aren’t really very interesting to actual consumers. Let me sort through the ridiculous 100-inch TVs and dancing robot computer speakers presented by Bieber to give you the interesting stuff:

1. HP Envy 14 Spectre. At first glance, this laptop appears to be just another Macbook Pro clone. At second glance, however, you realize that the laptop is covered in glass! HP decided to go for the “shiny” factor instead of, you know, the “doesn’t shatter at the slightest touch” one. At $1399, the Envy 14 features an Intel i5 processor, 4GB of RAM and a 128GB solid state drive.
2. Remember Nokia? Well, apparently they’re trying to resurrect their image beyond early-2000s brick phones by creating the Lumia 900. Running Windows Phone 7, the Lumia 900 features a 4.3-inch AMOLED screen, a 1.4 GHz processor, 4G data from AT&T and a camera lens designed by Carl Zeiss (the company, not the man). It won several Best of Show awards and looks to be a promising addition to the Windows Phone lineup.
3. Your HDTV is obsolete. LG and Sharp showed off some of their 4K TVs– 4K being the next step up in resolution beyond 1080p– and explained their plans for producing 4K TVs in 2012. Interestingly enough, these TVs are likely going to be for high-end users only for a long time, as the enhanced resolution doesn’t make much of a difference unless the screen is really big. Confusingly, Sharp also revealed an 8K TV, probably breaking a record for quickest obsolescence in technology history. You won’t be able to see the sweat pores on Aaron Rodgers’ forehead, unfortunately, because most TV stations don’t even broadcast in 1080p, yet alone 4K, which has four times the pixels.
4. Not everyone was successful in pitching their new gadgets. Intel attempted to demo new technology involving so-called “ultrabooks” by showing off the gaming capabilities of a device through a racing game, complete with a racing wheel and Intel exec Mooly Eden in a beret. Eden starts poorly right from the start when he clearly starts the demo by pressing the play button on a media player. The situation gets slightly more awkward when the video doesn’t even play correctly on these amazingly powerful laptops. He then clearly realizes they’ve made a mistake when he jokes that the “interesting thing about this game is that actually I can race without my hands at all because they are driving it from backstage.” If you want to see the spectacle for yourself, look up “Intel Fakes CES 2012 Ultrabook Demo” on YouTube.