Feminists have been destabilizing the Western world from the beginning. They think it’s OK for women to vote, have jobs, marry other women. (I shouldn’t even get started on lesbians, or I won’t be able to stop. Hey, pro-choicers, lesbianism is a choice too! You can’t have it both ways!) But you heard it here first: We are on a slippery slope.

Which reminds me of the Vancouver Olympics.

Fifteen women recently sued the Vancouver Organizing Committee for not being allowed to participate in the all-male ski-jumping competition. Justice Lauri Ann Fenlon of the British Columbia Supreme Court ruled there was nothing they could do about it, even though the International Olympic Committee is being discriminatory. The IOC is not governed by the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Good.

Sexism stabilizes.

If the IOC let those angry tomboys compete in ski-jumping, they’d be letting gender equality win. And winning is for men.

I bet those litigious butchies don’t even care about competing in the Olympics. My guess is they’ve been hanging out together (who else would they hang out with?) and their periods have synced, creating a combined massive wave of PMS. And PMS, as everyone knows, is just an excuse for women to be irrational.

I know some people may disagree. So let’s put ourselves in their Birkenstocks for a minute and see if their story makes sense.

You’re walking down the street when you notice a man expertly jumping off a nearby slope. He’s flying through the air, and you think to yourself, “That looks fun.” The next day, you try it too. And although you aren’t very good, and you would much rather be home baking cakes, you conclude, “I’m going to go sign up for the Olympics.” So you head over to Vancouver, leaving your young infants at home alone to fend for themselves.

When you arrive at the IOC, you walk to the front desk and look for the clipboard that says “ski-jumping competitors.” When you find it, you see all the names on the list are men, and at the top it says “MEN ONLY.” You consider going home (to your probably ill children and probably cheating husband), but instead you look the IOC straight in the eye and say, “I’m going to sue you. And I’m going to sue you in Canadian Court.”

Did any of that make any sense? No. If the IOC let those women ski-jump, they’d be rewarding foolishness. And rewards are for men.

Weinberg junior Brenna Helppie-Schmieder can be reached at [email protected].