It’s a Monday night – that means $4 Big Cups and exorbitant amounts of Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. Tonight’s gonna be a good night.

But before you can even think about hitting up the Northwestern social staple known as The Keg of Evanston, you must first conquer the battle of your bureau.

For girls, this is the age-old war of multiple personalities. As Gerard Butler said in The Ugly Truth, “You have to be two people. The saint and the sinner. The librarian and the stripper.” It’s like watered-down Halloween every time you decide to go out.

You can be the sophisticated, high-fashion, Upper East Side replica of Blair Waldorf; the promiscuous sex kitten Kim Kardashian; or “I wear T-shirts… I wear sneakers” girl-next-door Taylor Swift. All good choices, and all will get you attention in your social escapades. But the final decision depends on which of your personalities (Id, Ego, Superego?) will be most dominant for the evening.

“It’s like a game whenever (the guys and I) go out,” said our one and only infamous campus womanizer. “We can literally point to girls and say, ‘Yep, that one’s good for the night,’ or ‘No, much too conservative.’ And when you see the cute girl in ‘kicks’ and a T-shirt, you’re thinking, ‘Yeah, I can talk to her tonight and maybe ask her to dinner next week.’ ”

As for the fashionistas: “There are definitely guys who love the trendy, high-maintenance girls,” the womanizer said. “They’re difficult to read because all of them look classy, but sometimes the paint-job doesn’t match the interior.”

For anyone who has seen Wedding Crashers, think, “Don’t waste your time on girls in hats. They tend to be very proper,” “Well the proper girl in a hat just (eyed me).)”

I know. This seems rather rudimentary. And to most girls, it is: Dress as you want to be perceived.

But the more artistic side of female fashion is when girls dress like contemporary Lindsay Lohan to get attention, and then counteract their risqué appearance with a Parent Trap Lohan attitude. This phenomenon is commonly referred to as peacocking.

Just as peacocks flash their beautiful, brightly colored feathers to capture the attention of potential mates, women (and men for that matter) use their appearance to catch the eye of a potential beau.

As one NU girl said, “Usually I like to be comfortable and relaxed when I go out. But sometimes, it’s just easier to dress up (in sexy clothes) to get attention. I’m confident enough in my personality to think that once a guy starts talking to me, he’ll realize I’m more than just a (bimbo).”

But guys say this kind of situation just makes them feel “deceived and misled,” according to one NU sophomore. “It’s a nice surprise when a (promiscuously dressed) girl is actually really chill,” he continued. “But most of the time, they’re dressed the way they act.”

So girls, unless you’re confident your witty intellect will usurp your scantily clad body, the battle of your bureau should be a short one: Dress how you want to be treated.

Medill junior Jill Mahen can be reached at [email protected].