Condoms are not just for safe sex – they make for safe drug testing, too. Or at least that’s what Weinberg senior Eric (name has been changed) thought. After finding out he only had one week to detox before his drug test for a position at Target, Eric knew two things: First, the chances of a successful detox were slim to none, and second, he needed someone else’s urine. So he got creative.
“I had my friend who didn’t smoke weed pee in a condom and then I taped it to my leg to keep it warm,” says Eric. “These condoms are made tough and the thumbtack I had (to rip it open) did not do a very good job.”
Because the temperature did not match that of fresh urine from the body, he failed the drug test and didn’t get the job. So when the opportunity arose to intern at a prestigious bank a few years later, Eric didn’t mess around. He quit smoking and overdosed on water the morning of to dilute whatever may have still resided in his urine. A few days (and multiple bong hits) later, Eric received a call from Human Resources saying the urine was too diluted and he needed to retake the test.
“I was screwed. I’m Google-ing all over the place trying to figure out the foolproof way to pass,” Eric says. “I found The Whizzinator, which is a prosthetic penis attached to a pouch that you can put someone’s urine into, with a heating pad and thermometer included.” He passed his test.
Marijuana stays within the system for three to four days, or often several weeks in a chronic user, according to the U.S. Department of Labor’s Web site. While there are other ways to test for drug use, as in through blood tests or hair samples, urine tests are most common.
“Any employer that has a more formal application process that involves public responsibility is likely to have a drug test,” says Lonnie Dunlap, director of NU’s Career Services. “That usually happens after students get further into their interview process, but it’s not unusual.”
Despite having to buy “the most expensive dildo ever,” Eric says The Whizzinator was worth every dollar of its $150 price tag.
He’s not the only one who paid his way out. Like Eric, Jamal’s (name has been changed) urine test results came back inconclusive because the McCormick senior drank too much fluid the night before.
“I debated on whether or not the detox kits were worth it. They were $50 a piece and I had to buy two of them,” Jamal says. “I can’t say what it was that worked, but you do everything under the sun to make sure you pass.”
After lighting up on 4/20, Sara (name has been changed), a McCormick senior, got a call. She had only 72 hours to take (and pass) a drug test. Once she received the test in the mail, she lied to the company, claiming it was never sent and managed to delay the test for another two weeks, barely enough time to detox.
“My major problem is that I smoke pot pretty regularly and it stores in your fat cells,” she says. “So I was running six miles a day and did not eat very much. I lost eight pounds because I was running all the time.”
While Eric, Jamal and Sara managed to pass their tests, they all say the high isn’t always worth the stress.
“If you’re applying for jobs, just stop smoking in general,” Jamal says. “You don’t want that hanging over your head.”
