In bad economic times, all sorts of professions thin out their ranks. However, there’s one job that’s been slowly losing traction over the last thousand years, regardless of the state of the business cycle – prophet.
When you think about it, it sounds like a pretty sweet gig. All you have to do is sit around and wait for God to talk to you. Most of the time, all you’ll get out of Him is a useless proverb or a reminder to turn the stove on and off three times. If you’re lucky, though, he’ll give you a whole book – a magic book – that has all the secrets of the universe. In the last two centuries, only two people (L. Ron Hubbard and Joseph Smith) have been so lucky, but there’s always a chance.
The only problem is that if you’re trying to break into the prophecy business, you picked the worst time in history to do so. I’ve learned in my psychopathology class this quarter that those who claim to hear the voice of God are often diagnosed with schizophrenia. For countless would-be prophets, the threat of being tossed in a loony bin is certainly a deterrent. If that wasn’t bad enough, you still have to deal with the stigma contemporary society places on prophets. Long, long ago, people would worship you if you received a command from God instructing you to kill your child. For example, Andrea Yates wasn’t even beatified (look it up), and keep in mind that she didn’t wuss out at the last second like Abraham did.
You can probably tell I’m being sarcastic. These days, God would never speak to someone directly. That may have been the way things were done in biblical times, but nowadays, all the technology and information floating around have made us too smart for our own good. This means that whatever revelation God has in store for us is going to be much harder to spot. If you’re trying to crack the divine code, I recommend taking a page from the paranoid schizophrenic’s playbook. After all, they’re the ones who were so good at talking to God in the first place. For starters, you could pick up a newspaper, examine the first letter of every word and see if you come across any hidden messages. If that doesn’t work, there are lots of other places to look for patterns – the static on your TV, the number pi, the rhythmic vibrations coming from that chip they put in your head, etc.
And now, I leave you with my final thought.
The holiest oracles undermine science’s hardest assignment – learning, through reason, everything concerning life and its many themes. Hardcore evangelicals have obscured logic. You likely agree. Nevertheless, don’t forget – oftentimes, reasonable theologians have embraced thinking rationally if natural inquiry trumps youthful, God-oriented delusions. Well…it looks like science is truth.
