TACKY EIGHTIESDelta Gamma better hope the Best Western’s “Evanston ballroom” isn’t booked next year when Tacky ’80s season comes around again. The Hilton Garden Inn didn’t take well to the annual crush party/alcoholics summit. The event was a “total disaster,” according to one DG junior, who said the hotel kicked out 20 partygoers. What, did the brawl have something to do with it? “There was a quasi fight between football players and a sophomore in beta over a broken glass. Completely unnecessary.” No, totally necessary; last year all the Beta sophomores did was become hospitalized. Dudes, one more year of this and we won’t be forced to write about you in the passive voice! Anyway, more from the time of Reagan: “We went to Hamlin after to keep drinking and someone needed to get stitches and another girl broke her arm but that was unrelated to Tacky ’80s hah. A senior hooked up with a freshman and woke up in Bobb.” Woah, man; she was born in the ’90s. SLOW, WEIRD AND MELODICEver wonder who those guys banging a spoon against a cup at Battle of the Bands were? Or why those same guys can be seen sitting around the arch making music on warm days? (It was a “healthy, spontaneous and delicious” impromptu decision, says Jordan Simkovic, one of the group’s core members.) A mini profile constructed using e-mails from Simkovic: The band has two core members. Simkovic plays the pan flute, the djembe, a large African drum, and other percussion. Kevin Hoban plays the guitarmonica (or, the guitar and the harmonica). The two like to get other people involved in making music; at BOTB they handed out egg shakers and tambourines and invited spectators to join in using whatever they could find. A drum circle was improvised when the equipment started to malfunction. These are professionals, after all: Simkovic played lead guitar in a band in high school. Hoban? Well, he’s been performing around campfires his entire life. Simkovic says that he can’t think long-term, but the current plan is “to keep making silly music.”According to The Next Big Sound, the group will be performing on April 1 at Tri-Delt’s annual Pancake Party. Visit the website to listen to their song “Snow is Falling in Yakutsk.”WAY TO GOGIRLOne writer keeps sending us tips for Confirmed & Denied that we continually reject. This week, we decided to appease her and alert everyone to the GoGirl (go-girl.com), a potentially life-saving gadget recently featured on Chelsea Lately. The GoGirl is a FUD (female urination device; yum) that fits in your purse and, when you need to, well, go, you just slide it into your underwear, press it against your body and let it flow. “Sororities and fraternities should supply these on their buses to date nights, crush parties, formals, etc.” our tipster suggests. “No more girls trying to pee in water bottles (impossible, we all know). I am definitely stocking up.”