Marriage – the very definition of it – is under attack. In California and Connecticut, the battle lines have already been drawn. However, what our legislators fail to realize is that there is one place where the law – state or national – has no say. A place that is nowhere…and yet…everywhere. A place where procrastinators and lazy stalkers alike can find common ground.

Of course, I’m talking about Facebook.

Thanks to Facebook, what was once a timeless social institution has now become a mockery. A lifelong commitment of love and trust can now be made official with just the click of a button. If you know anything about Facebook, then its loose morals shouldn’t come as a shock. It’s the ultimate “free love” community, where all the traditional social boundaries come crashing down. In the real world, if a person you haven’t seen in 10 years approaches you on the street with a bag of Scrabble tiles and a poking stick, you start walking the other way. In the real world, if you break into someone’s house at 3 a.m. and write “IM SOOO WASTED GO CATZ!” on their wall, you’ll be hearing from the police. But not on Facebook.

How could Facebook have gone so far astray? A mere five years ago, it was an exclusive, Ivy-League only community – hardly socially liberated. The site’s original homepage said it best. If five years is enough time to change it from a vanguard of the Old School to a commie-hippie-topia, then one can only imagine what it will be like a few years down the line.

My greatest fear is that Facebook will take the progressive view of marriage to its logical extreme. If marriage is really nothing more than an agreement between consenting adults, then what’s next? Polygamy? Incest? I doubt that the fate of either will be decided any time in the near future, either by the “tyranny of the majority” or the “tyranny of the judiciary,” but if there’s one thing Facebook doesn’t need to wait for, it’s an official decision. And it looks like it has already made up its mind. Since there aren’t any restrictions on who you can “marry,” you could get hitched to literally anyone…even your sibling. If that wasn’t bad enough, Facebook says nothing about the relative blasphemy of your marriage. If all I can find out is that you’re “married,” and not “gay married” or “incestuously married,” then how will I know whether to oppress you?

Thankfully, there’s still hope. Facebook still doesn’t allow polygamous marriages, so we still haven’t slid all the way down the slippery slope. But adding just a few lines of code would change all that, and that is why we have to stay vigilant. We have to keep marriage the way it has been since the dawn of time: between a man and a woman.

On Facebook.