Foreplay: It’s no new thing. But for some reason, it tends to be the most talked about and frustrating aspect of a female’s sex life. It’s extremely easy to tell when a man becomes aroused, generally expressed by the conspicuous bulge in his pants. But for women, it’s a little different – our anatomy doesn’t swell and our pants don’t get any tighter. Maybe this is why men have such a difficult time understanding just how important foreplay is. I wouldn’t call this male ignorance of foreplay selfish or even intentional, but rather a simple lack of knowledge and awareness. Don’t get me wrong, some men know exactly what they are doing and find foreplay just as pleasurable as women do, but most seem to think it’s basically unnecessary. This could not be further from the truth.
Most women are not as capable of becoming sexually stimulated by images as men are, so simply staring at a naked man doesn’t really turn a female on like looking at a naked woman does for a man. I can hardly imagine a situation in which there was sex without any foreplay whatsoever. But I know a lot of women are frustrated by the amount of foreplay they are currently receiving from their partners, including many of my close girlfriends. Their major complaint is that it is beyond exasperating when men think that just because they have an erection, the woman is also aroused. To all you boys out there: give your girl at least a little time to get warmed up before you begin thrusting – if not, it won’t be as enjoyable for you and especially uncomfortable for your partner.
I’m not saying that you need to spend an inordinate amount of time on foreplay, but it is important to make the experience as enjoyable as possible for both persons involved by taking things a bit slower than you normally would. I asked my girlfriends what kind of advice I should offer the gentlemen out there reading this column and here’s a short list of what I found:
1. If the girl is drunk, it takes even more time for the girl to become “lubricated,” so especially don’t rush when you’ve both been drinking.
2. It doesn’t hurt to have lube around just in case.
3. Women will generally reciprocate if you pay special attention to their sensitive areas.
4. Follow the moans – if you hit a spot with your lips or tongue that makes her gasp for air, camp out for a little while.
5. Ask her what she likes – if she’s comfortable enough to sleep with you, she’s probably comfortable enough to tell you what turns her on and what doesn’t.
This isn’t a list of rules that you must follow every time you engage in sexual intercourse. All I ask is that you men give these guidelines a try. If you bypass foreplay, you could end up with a dead fish as a sexual partner. Help your woman transform into the lioness she is by making sure she’s good and warm before taking the plunge. So the next time you ask yourself if you should forego foreplay, forget it. Most importantly, be safe and have fun.?
SESP sophomore Ellen DeBatty is a PLAY sex columnist. She can be reached at [email protected].
