What would our Friday afternoons be without the awkward silence and pointless note-taking of discussion sections? The discussion section has become such an ingrained part of our academic lives at Northwestern that a number of subtle, unspoken rules have been developed. Let me now guide you through a typical discussion section so that you can be sure to get the most out of these fifty minutes.

Let’s start with some technical guidelines. First, make sure you show up at least five minutes late. If the Teaching Assistant gets annoyed, the classic “I had a class in Tech” excuse should work. Once you’ve arrived to class, you must keep one very important item in mind. The TA does not grade on participation, but on how quickly and efficiently you can arrange your desk in a circle, or “The Ring of Love” as I like to call it. Always include exactly one less desk in “The Ring” as there are students in the class. This way the last person in has to awkwardly struggle to find a seat and sit down. Attempting to assist this person is strictly forbidden.

Now that you’re settled, remember to keep you cell phone on for the duration of the class. Your fellow students will appreciate the “Forgot About Dre” ringtone interlude in the middle of class. Fifty points if you get someone to call you when the class is blankly staring at the TA after he or she asks a question.

With this housekeeping business out of the way, let’s move on to the discussion itself. For starters, remember that stating the obvious is a learned skill and necessary for a rich discussion. Your primary goal for fifty minutes is to re-word the thesis of the assigned readings in as many different ways as possible. Be creative. Million-dollar words are a must; try “verisimilitude.” If you haven’t done the reading, summarizing what the person before you just said is an adequate alternative.

While stating the obvious does indeed make you sound smart, sometimes it is necessary to add some depth to your pontifications. In these instances, I would suggest incorporating your other classes into the discussion. Not only can this compensate for not doing the assigned reading, but it shows how much of a well-rounded student you are. Plus, you’d be amazed how seamlessly a class on French Existentialism fits into a discussion on Post-New Deal economics.

But what happens if your mind draws a blank? Don’t panic. When in doubt, bring up Freud. You can never go wrong throwing in a little wisdom of everyone’s favorite master of psychoanalytic theory. If someone scoffs at your comparison, just shake your head and accuse him or her of having an Oedipus Complex.

There you have it. With these rules in mind, I believe that you will all be able to successfully maneuver through the nuances of the discussion section and make it as enriching as possible.

I think Freud would agree.

Mike Platt is a Weinberg senior. He can be reached at [email protected].