As a longtime Gap employee, I have seen every type of shopper. The tourist, the British tourist, the Sunday morning regular, the late Friday night regular and the ‘I-just-got-my-nails-done-can-you-get-that-for-me’ shopper.
But the true nemesis of any retail employee is the holiday shopper.
Holiday shoppers come from all religions, but they are all essentially the same — crazy. Going nuts over everything from striped socks to the latest holiday “it”scarf, there is nothing this shopper doesn’t want. But it’s OK because employees are ready to go crazy for you; we love the holidays too. But we won’t go that extra mile unless you avoid what I call the seven deadly sins of holiday shopping:
1. Pride
“Call me when you want a real job,” he said.
I was 18, on holiday from my first quarter at Northwestern. He was 55, and owned a company with matching polo shirts. Ah, l’haine, l’agonie.
Not all retail employees are idiots. From teenage mothers to former Puerto Rican reality TV stars, the industry attracts an interesting crowd. But those who work retail because they love clothes still deserve civility, regardless of their comments about your oh-so-1993 Bongo jeans. Maybe you think that makes them stupid, but I see your UGG-wearing, collar-popping ass and it needs a real job.
2. Envy
A $29.99 DVD player is not worth risking death.
3. Gluttony
This sin translates into retail-speak as messing up clothes and is one of the most annoying sins. So unless you are buying matching outfits for the von Trapp Family Singers, you don’t need to make a stack of cardigans spew all over a display table.
4. Lust
“Can you try this on? Your height/weight/ breast size is the same as my wife/girlfriend/ mother’s.” Barbie, with her oversized breasts and snap-on clothes, was invented for this special, pervy shopper who always “forgets” loved ones’ sizes or who buys a Lara Flynn Boyle for their Anna Nicole Smith.
5. Anger
I’ve seen anger in every form, from an employee jumping the counter to punch a customer to customers being hauled out of the store by the police.
6. Greed
To customer buying three items: “Do you need a gift box today?”
“Yeah, OK.”
“How many would you like?”
After conferring with mother-in-law: “12.”
Yes, in the service industry the motto is “ask and you shall receive,” but don’t ask for too much.
7. Sloth
Everyone knows they shouldn’t wait, but those door-buster deals and special prices are so tempting. Guess what? The prices are even more special the day after Christmas. So buy your mom a gift card. She thinks you have bad taste anyway.
This holiday season — whatever your holiday — remember that retail employees are people too. People helping you look better … one pair of khakis at a time. T
News Editor Elizabeth Kirk is a Medill junior. She has been serving you at various Gap stores for three years and can help you find the perfect jeans for your body. Reach her at [email protected].
