Fearless Forecasters

Glenn Kasses Column

Last week, I was asked to forego my rights to this space so that one Prof. Roger Boye could say his piece as a Fearless guest. For most people, this gesture would mean forfeiting Forecasters superiority for weeks.

But me, I wasn’t worried one bit about letting the good dean take his best shots at us. I knew I’d get another chance soon enough.

Why, you ask?

Well, after four weeks of this gig, it’s pretty clear that no one here can compete on my level. And unless Rittenberg, Ebersole and Katz decide to hire some help, I think I’ve got this thing all wrapped up.

So here it is. I’m guaranteeing victory.

Pull out your videos of Broadway Joe, folks, because I’m making the opposition look like Earl Morrall and the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III. Only difference is, I’m no two-touchdown underdog.

There’s no way these chumps have a chance of overcoming my superior football intellect. Last week, I did more than just post a 10-2 mark. I also nailed the score of Colorado-Texas A&M on the money. Try that at home. It’s not easy.

In a futile attempt to climb from the depths of the Forecasters standings, my compatriots — if they’re actually worthy of the title — are making ridiculous picks in hope of scoring the major upset victory.

Ain’t gonna happen, fellas.

Rittenberg thinks he’s a genius for going with A&M over Kansas State.

Moron. This guy likes to make fun of my laugh, but he better get used to it — with poor picks like this, I’ll be laughing all the way to Forecasters greatness. I’ve already established this much: I know Aggies football. They lost last week, and they’ll lose this week.

As for the other also-rans, I feel obligated to lump Ebersole and Katz together in futility.

Currently tied for last, it seems like their only hope to climb out of the cellar is if the other puts up a 3-9 stinker. Of course, with both of them picking Mizzou on the road, they seem destined to stick together.

So put me up there with the Namaths and Messiers of the world. Sometimes, you gotta know when to take control. I’m making good on my word here.

It may be early, but it’s all over.