I am gay. I am also a homosexual. Sometimes I am queer. Other times I act like a fairy. Hell, let’s not beat around the bush: I am an anally fixated queen.

Now that most of you have picked your jaws up off the ground, and before the sensitive homos crucify me for single-handedly debasing the entire homosexual community, let me attempt an explanation.

Would you get offended if I referred to myself as a boob-grabbing, butt-smacking, studly he-man? Other than thinking I was a typical chauvinist pig, probably not. Why? In most quarters, there is no stigma surrounding heterosexual sexuality. Sex is celebrated in our culture. For many people, sex is a very, very good thing. Or more accurately, heterosexual sex is a very, very good thing.

The mere thought of a man engaging in sexual activities with another man makes most people cringe. The image of two men going at it can stop the most ardent knee-jerk liberal dead in his tracks.

The stigma that surrounds the physical act(s) of gay sex has unfathomable staying power. Even lesbian sex is less repugnant than the mental image of two boys going at it. Doubt me? Take this little test: How many guys haven’t fantasized about themselves going at it with two babes (or at least watching)? Now, of these same guys, how many are capable of even considering the possibility of themselves with a girl and another guy? See the difference?

Ironically, the limited political progress the gay movement has made has been at the expense of our sex lives. Society seems willing to accept gay people in the abstract, but not in three dimensions. It says, “OK, we can handle it if you must be queer, but just don’t do queer things.” Act “straight.” What the hell does that mean?

This principle is nowhere more apparent than in that all-powerful gauge of modern culture, the media. Gay intimacy in mainstream media is not portrayed realistically.

Look at Ellen DeGeneres. She came out of the closet amid great media hype. As soon as the episodes began dealing with her sex life, however, the ratings plummeted. Even some homosexuals complained that they did not watch “Ellen” to see Ms. DeGeneres make out with girls. Nevertheless, despite its problems, “Ellen” was groundbreaking, and to be fair, that was several years ago. Things should have gotten better, right?

Well, consider “Will & Grace.” This current hit sitcom portrays the life of two gay characters, neither of whom has ever had an intimate moment on screen. Even popular movies relegate the gay man to stereotypical comic relief or the neutered best friend. Think Rupert Everett. One still has to go to an art-house movie to witness an accurate depiction of gay life. What is up with this? Is this progress?

Which brings me back to my opening statement. The idea of a gay man getting his groove on, heightened by the deliberately loaded language I used to suggest it (language, ironically, that had to be toned down from my initial “vulgar” submission), remains far too unsettling for a society that largely seems to have reached a consensus on the need to treat its gay constituents more fairly.