So far in this column, I’ve covered topics such as immigration policy, Palestinian identity in Jordan and the ethical argument between working for life or living to work.

As important as it is to talk about big-ticket topics, this column is called “Off the Record” for a reason. My friends and I have absolutely been talking about big problems back home, but who’s to say gossip isn’t political?

Our main question this week has been: Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?

After a British Vogue article came out with that same title, social media exploded with women both agreeing and arguing the opposite. While being in a relationship was previously viewed in society as something to strive for, the article notes a palpable shift — especially online — on how women are approaching their romantic lives.

The claim was that women used to curate their personas around their relationship status. Facebook literally has a feature to announce to the world when that status changes.

Yet in the past couple of years, this has completely flipped to “soft launches” in the form of cryptic photos of two plates of food and, maybe, if she’s feeling bold, a Daniel Caesar song in the corner of the Instagram story.

With celebrations like National Boyfriend Day still having their moments in the sun, I’d argue that the claim that relationships are old-fashioned isn’t completely true. Still, I have a sneaking suspicion that this newly developed aversion to showcasing yourself as a “boyfriend girl” might be linked to a deeper collective desire to decenter men altogether. 

When I read Vogue’s article, I was struck by some of the quotes that suggested that the act of having a man attached to your name somehow devalued you, especially after nearly an eternity of hearing the opposite. With comments like “Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?” and “Having a boyfriend typically takes hits on a woman’s aura,” I went to my two best sources to break these ideas down for me: My girlfriends and TikTok. Obviously.

On TikTok, there were women posting with their boyfriends claiming that being in love should never be embarrassing, but the comments were quick to alert the creators that they had missed the point of the article altogether. 

Women were coming out saying they were close to overjoyed by this cultural shift because of its implications for the way they were treated as single women in the world. One woman said she finally felt as if her singleness was seen as a positive trait, rather than receiving pitiful glances every time it was mentioned. Another said she was tired of her friends getting into relationships and that being the only topic of conversation from that moment on.

It wasn’t even just single women approaching this take with agreement. Some of my girlfriends admitted that they would at times not bring their boyfriends up in hopes of not sounding boy-obsessed. Nobody wants to be the girl who can’t shut up about a guy when your friends are trying to dissect the idiocracy of the two-party system (because let’s face it, at Northwestern that might actually be the conversation). 

When I went to my friends, they had similar thoughts — perhaps slightly less chronically online. They said the act of a woman having a boyfriend wasn’t embarrassing in itself — it was dependent on who that boyfriend was.

One friend stated that if she meets a beautiful girl with a boyfriend who is obviously obsessed with her, she loses absolutely no coolness. She then made the argument that it was only when she sees girls dating boys who don’t match their attractiveness level, intellect and social capital that it becomes embarrassing.

While people have argued both sides (though the pro-boyfriend girls have been a little quiet), the general consensus among women is that a man should be the least interesting thing about you.

I don’t think that the conversation sparked by this article is necessarily because of an anti-male movement amongst younger women. Instead, I think women have become tired of being defined in both social circles and online by their relationship status.

The stereotype is that girls get together at sleepovers and gossip about boys. I think maybe the trope is finally tiring itself out. No woman wants to be identified as someone who only talks about men. Having a boyfriend has shifted from a marker of social capital to something women strategically downplay — not because they hate men, but because they’re trying to reclaim autonomy in how they’re seen.

In a world of Amy Marches, girls want to be Jo. They want to have dreams that are valued and have no correlation to the men around them.

But let’s remember: Just because someone’s dreams are different, it does not make them unimportant. 

So, no, I don’t think having a boyfriend is embarrassing, but making him your whole life is.

Keep doing the things you love, keep seeing your friends, keep talking about the things you think are interesting and important and post that soft launch because, honestly, I love to see them.

Be a hopeless romantic — that is not a crime! But remember to romanticize more than just the men in your life. 

Or, like some comments on TikTok suggested, “romanticize several.”

Listen, that’s your prerogative. But maybe take that advice off the record.

Gabriela Hamburger Medailleu is a Medill junior and author of “Off the Record.” She can be contacted at [email protected]. If you would like to respond publicly to this op-ed, send a Letter to the Editor to [email protected]. The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of all staff members of The Daily Northwestern.