… Or at least he plays one in the recent release “Thanks for Sharing,” a coming-of-age film about a group of strangers who meet at a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting. “Sharing” opens alongside “Don Jon,” Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s directorial debut in which he plays a porn fanatic. The phrase “sex sells” has been used in reference to Hollywood filmmaking for years, and this fall is a prime example of how to bring a taboo topic like sex addiction to the big screen.
But why the hype? Sex addiction is not a new phenomenon. Like any addiction, it’s a constant struggle that many people drown under before, hopefully, receiving the help they need to get their lives back on track. But unlike alcoholics or cigarette smokers, sex addicts are rarely acknowledged as a legitimate group with a clinical disorder, instead labeled with stigmas like “freak” and “pervert.” I haven’t seen either of the new films yet, but my hope is that they’ll help to change society’s perception of sex addiction for good. To properly assess whether they reach that goal, you’ll need to know a bit about sex addiction first.
What is it?
The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity defines sex addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” For some people, this translates to an inability to focus on work, family or day-to-day tasks without being distracted by constant sexual thoughts. For others, it’s excessive and emotionally detrimental intercourse, uncontrollable masturbation or compulsive infidelity, to name a few. In “Thanks for Sharing,” one character is addicted to frottage, or rubbing up against others, usually on the subway. Just as there are hundreds of drugs to which one can become addicted, there is a wide range of sexual habits that can lead to a legitimate addiction.
Who does it affect?
Many people struggle with sex but do not know how to label their feelings as a psychological issue without the help of a mental health professional. An estimated 9 million Americans could meet criteria for sex addiction, according to a 2011 Newsweek investigation. Sex addiction is statistically more common among men but does affect a significant number of women. That said, women are hesitant to make their addiction known, even to professionals, due to misguided societal perceptions about female desire. The Sex Addicts Anonymous website has an entire page devoted to women’s issues, so you’re not alone.
This is me. What do I do?
As with any addiction, the first steps toward a more healthy sexual life are assessment and control. Assess your problem, either with a therapist or in a group SAA meeting — they’re all over the U.S. and Canada, including in Chicago. Control your problem, gradually, by moving through the 12-step program with a sponsor. The steps revolve around “sexual sobriety,” which for some means an indefinite period of complete celibacy, and for others, a more cognizant and meditated approach to intercourse/public stripping/whatever it was that was disrupting life in a negative way. If you have a sexual problem that you feel is beyond your physical and mental control, do not be afraid to ask for help.
Whether you think you’ve got an addiction, have a loved one with an addiction or just want to become more conscious about the funky problems of the world, go check out these movies. If you want to see them with me or have any burning questions you want answered in this column, shoot me an email ([email protected]) pronto. Until then, remember: all good things in moderation.
