And we’re back! Another quarter is beginning at Northwestern, and I don’t know about you, but I’m excited. Winter Quarter is the time when freshmen get introduced to the real NU (the fall was boot camp. Welcome to the bush, private). It’s the one time of year when it’s too cold to have a snowball fight in Evanston, and it also, unfortunately, signals the end of Winter Break.
Winter Break is great because you learn so much during it. You learn the holidays aren’t about giving or receiving, but about returning. You learn it’s possible to gain 15 pounds in three weeks, and apparently Coolio has not been taking his Propecia (Ski Trip inside joke y’all!).
With all this learning that happens, it’s very easy to unlearn a lot of things you used to know during school. Every year, I like to make a list to remind myself of essential knowledge I took for granted before Winter Break came and blotted it out. I’ve always found to-do lists kind of bossy so here it is, your Official Not-To-Do List for Winter Quarter 2010. Remember to not remember to do any of these things and you’ll be in great shape for the next couple months:
- Homework
- Read
- Exercise/Stand up too quickly
- Learn to count.
- Drunk text your friend whose name starts with “Mo.” (Either that or save your mom’s number as something like “Xandur.”)
- Anyone under 18
- Anyone over 19
- Paint the Rock-I’ve painted the Rock in winter, and it was part of a hazing event for a reason. If you have a choice in the matter, wait for a sunnier quarter. If you don’t, I recommend drinking yourself a very warm beer jacket (and probably some vodka gloves, a whiskey scarf and some tequila long underwear while you’re at it).
- Take your bike out of storage
- Any non-addictive drugs (they’re the most addicting ones)
- After disregarding #8 and realizing your bike isn’t in storage and was probably stolen months ago, buy a new bike.
- Assume any sidewalk is ice-free
- End a list with an anti-climactic final entry
There you have it. Consider yourself winterized. If you want, you can laminate this list and wear it as a necklace so you’ll always have it handy. Plus, if enough people do it, I can finally get my “trendsetter” merit badge. Time to have a great quarter, boys and girls. Be safe out there.
Weinberg senior David Moss can be reached at [email protected].
