People, English needs immediate saving. I’ve always said a waste is a terrible thing to mind, but to see something I love as much as the English language not live up to its potential is almost too much to take. The written word is responsible for everything from declaring independence to textsfromlastnight.com, and yet we’re about as careful with it as Heath Ledger was with warning labels (too soon?). It’s time we take a closer look at what we read and write, and rescue our language from mediocrity, or at least use it to make four penis jokes in one column (Begin counting now).
We can give some leeway to spoken words because they’re more prone to misinterpretation than writing. For example, one night at the Keg I asked a bartender for some brews so he gave me a black eye. When I told him I was hurting, he thought I meant sheep. If he had read my comments these mix-ups never would have occurred, and we have to take advantage of that extra precision. I don’t even want to tell you what he thought when I told him he wasn’t gonna see anymore tip (One).
Just like forest fires, only you can prevent word waste. There are dozens of phrases in our lexicon that aren’t necessarily terrible (like non-alcoholic beer) but at the same time don’t serve a purpose (like non-alcoholic beer). Take the sentence starter “If you think about it…” for example. Is it necessary to remind me to think? When I’m already reading? You’d be more direct by just calling me a moron. There’s also “needless to say” which, if it’s true, should never be followed by anything. The word “cocksure” should be scrapped because no one’s ever said it without giggling (Two). And saying you “literally” died laughing would probably land you in a witch trial 350 years ago, but it somehow makes perfect sense today.
Language can be so much more involving than that. It can use symbol, rhythm, rhyme or alliteration. It can disguise itself to hide a meaning that wasn’t apparent at first glance. In this column’s opening sentence for example, look at each word’s first letter and see what it spells (Three). Gimmicky? Maybe. Immature? Absolutely, but the point is that there are countless ways to pack meaning into the words we use that engage both the reader and writer. Meaning shouldn’t just fall into your lap when you read. You should have to reach out and grasp it. Just don’t apply that analogy to the “meaning” concealed in the first sentence (3.5? No one’s perfect – just round up).
Words should be fun. That’s right, the English language is fun both to create and to dissect, which are two qualities rarely found in the same thing (frogs: fun to dissect, not to create; babies: fun to create, not to dissect). So go out there and demand more from what you read. Invest more in what you write. Never waste a word that could’ve been used better. At the very least, the world will become a more interesting place, and we’d all like that, wouldn’t we? Word.
Weinberg senior David Moss can be reached at [email protected].
