What’s the best way to try out different lubes without getting between the sheets? By moon-walking, of course! One of our editors goes for a glide (or three) and dishes on the results.
Initially I thought, “It’s Sex Week, what better time to share my experiences using various lubricants with everyone?” But since I choose to keep such private bedroom matters to myself, I tested out three different kinds of lube by moonwalking on them. Certainly lubes are a great way to enhance pleasure during sex, but they’re also a great way to enhance awesomeness while doing the moonwalk. I have a feeling Michael Jackson would smile upon this whole undertaking. How creepy.
The testing environment consisted of plastic wrap, which I unrolled along a hardwood floor as though it were a futuristic catwalk. Then I smeared the area with different brands of lube and made all the ladies (read: nobody) scream as I performed ill dance moves across it. My findings are as follows, and you may apply them to your own intimate encounters at your discretion:
1. K-Y Liquid: $7.99 for 2.5 oz. In terms of consistency, K-Y might be the closest lube to water. I could still moonwalk as smoothly as ever, but within minutes the soles of my feet felt tacky enough for false eyelashes to adhere to them. I imagine the stickiness wouldn’t feel particularly pleasant on one’s nether regions, but at least it washes off with a little soap and water.
2. Astroglide: $7.99 for 2.5 oz. Astroglide’s consistency is somewhere between that of the K-Y liquid and the CVS jelly, plus it washes off more easily than either one. It seems like it’d be ideal for ill move-busting of all sorts, whether on the dance floor or elsewhere; in fact, it’s the first one I can truly fathom spreading across genitalia. Also worth noting is that individual packets are free for the taking in the health center, that is, if hordes of moonwalking freaks haven’t already cleaned out their entire supply.
3. CVS Lubricating Jelly: $2.99 for 2 oz. If there’s such a thing as recession-friendly lube, this might be it: at only $2.99 a tube, you can probably afford to stock up for weeks and apply it disgustingly liberally. Its thick, goopy texture made doing the moonwalk so effortless it was almost a hazard. It goes without saying that my moves were awe-inspiring, but I also came close to wiping out and landing face first on a bunch of lube-covered Saran wrap.
