Searah Deysach is the owner of Early to Bed, Chicago’s only feminist sex shop, but she isn’t going to tell you Five Ways to Drive Women Wild. No matter what gimmicky magazine cover stories you’ve read or what porn you’ve watched, there’s just no secret for amazing sex. “The reality is that there’s not one way to please a person,” Deysach says. The key is really getting to know your partner to figure out what works for her, she says.
If you want to pleasure a woman, the first things you’ll need to understand is what in the name of Venus is going on down there. Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t know their way around themselves, so you can’t always rely on your partner to feel comfortable enough to spread her legs and give you an expertly detailed tour, Deysach says.
MOTION IN THE OCEAN
Contrary to locker room banter, greater size or length of what a woman is being penetrated with (penis, finger, toy or otherwise) does not necessarily equal more pleasure. According to Deysach, the vagina is most sensitive in the first two inches of its opening. Still, while penetration is very enjoyable for most women, Deysach says “70 percent of women report not being able to have orgasms from intercourse alone,” and she suspects the number is actually much higher. In short: Go for the clit.
G MARKS THE SPOT
As it turns out, the elusive and much-discussed g-spot is not that difficult to find. “The g-spot is kind of like the clitoris of the new millennium, in the past 10 or 15 years everybody is on the hunt for the g-spot,” Deysach jokes. The g-spot is made up of spongy tissue surrounding the urethra, which fills with fluid as a woman becomes aroused. It’s located a couple inches deep near the front wall of the vagina and can be stimulated by inserting a finger into the vagina and making a “come hither” gesture. Any toy with an upward bend is also perfect for g-spot stimulation, she says.
TALKING DIRTY
“You have to listen to your partner – and this goes for everybody – trying to respond to her body without communicating with her can be like trying to read a language you don’t understand,” Deysach says. You can’t be expected to instinctively know what feels good for her, so don’t be afraid to ask! Whispering a sultry “do you like this” or “does that feel good” will help to clue you in on what she wants, as will paying attention to her movements and her voice. Letting her show you what she likes is not ‘cheating,’ Deysach insists, so don’t hesitate to let her get involved.
For more information on sex safety, advice or fun and kinky things of all kinds, check out http://early2bed.com/
