In the city of Evanston, where the winter wind blows, And the skies are a-speckled with pigeons and crows,

And the Lake Shore elites dress in old-money clothes,

And a waspy old townie sits picking his nose,

Stands the grand university Northwestern.

And around every fall, and in winter and spring,

As children are growing and lonely birds sing,

The students fly in from their province or nation,

And come to NU for a fine education.

But while life at Northwestern’s as sweet as a flower

There are some things that don’t breach the ivory tower.

See the world can be cruel, or just downright messed up.

Don’t believe me? Try Googling “Two girls, one cup.”

The job market’s cold, unemployment is high,

At Wal-Mart, some shoppers just trampled a guy,

And a governor’s trying to sell Senate seats

Like Farmer McDonald sells berries and beets.

But back at NU, students work and they work

And they try to forget all the dangers that lurk.

“What more can we do?” they may ask one another.

“I don’t want to live back at home with my mother.”

And as for the staffers? Well, while they were blinking

What once was a massive endowment was shrinking.

And they who were confident now ask in fear,

“Will we be employed come this same time next year?”

So here is my message for Wildcats galore.

Or, to be more specific, this message is for:

All the provosts and deans, for the tenured professors,

For crotchety coaches and Mary the Desler,

For hard-working students, for jocks and for Greeks,

For the guy in your class who you wish wouldn’t speak,

For freshmen who frequent the Keg with their fakes,

And seniors who stare at the stars by the lake.

THE MESSAGE:

Just take a deep breath and set your mind at ease.

The world is aware that you’re eager to please.

Your futures are bright – step away from the noose.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll be the next Dr. Seuss.

Medill senior Ben Larrison can be reached at [email protected].