A WILD(CAT) DRINKING GAMEThe Cats are away at Michigan this Saturday, so you were probably planning on watching the game on TV with hot wings and a brew. McCormick senior and Daily sports staffer Brian Regan has a better idea. Here are the rules: Should you smell a quarterback controversy, take a sip. If Kafka starts and takes a loss larger than 20 yards or runs for more than 20, finish your drink. If CJ starts and happens to throw an off-balanced pass to empty space, take one. But if that pass is intercepted, take 10. Whenever the Cats don’t line up in the spread offense, throw back two. Anytime there is a fumble, drink two. If that happens on the kickoff, drink five. When Fitz stands on the field, your whole row drinks until he is back on the sidelines. Every time Brad Phillips delivers a crushing hit, tell a friend to finish their drink. But if he looks stunned, finish yours. For every pushup the cheerleaders do, divide by five and take that many sips. With each TV timeout, waterfall with your row or table until play resumes. Whenever the Cats score a touchdown, drink for six seconds. A field goal, three seconds. A missed field goal or an interception/fumble in the red zone, finish your drink and crush the can on your forehead. If you are watching on TV and Ba-SHAY is pronounced either BASH-er or Baw-CKER, the oldest person watching buys the next round. Should the Cats actually win, just the fourth in almost half a century, laugh at Rich Rodriguez and pour your drink over the nearest fan clad in maize and blue. Should you happen to be at the game, drop a drink down a tuba while the final “Hail to the Victors” plays and prepare to plant the NU flag at the 50-yard line. There are no losers in the 2008 Northwestern Wildcats Drinking Game. Go Cats!DEUCE ON THE DECLINEFor that small fraction of us drunk enough to call the Deuce home every Thursday, the dive hasn’t really been worth the cab fare lately. And you can thank Weinberg junior David Lease in part for the recent migration. Lease DJed at The Keg a handful of Thursdays this quarter and boasts turnouts comparable to the usual Monday night crowd. “It wasn’t like I was trying to kill the Deuce,” Lease says. “Actually, maybe I was. I hate the Deuce.” Well, the one-buck drafts and $3 big cups, bottled brews and shot specials for Lease’s Keg stints probably helped things along.Why the hostility? For starters, Lease blasts the Rogers Park spot for its lack of music having the “worst fucking playlist I’ve ever seen.” Guess he’s not a karaoke fan. “The Deuce sucks as a bar. I have no idea who started the trend … but trends can be broken,” Lease says. For the remainder of fall, Lease will only spin on Fridays and resume the Deuce takedown in January. Recent experience gives a taste of a barren winter at the Deuce: plenty of free pizza for everyone, no waiting at the bar and bathroom lines that are shockingly short.(NOT) SORRY FOR PARTYINGWhen an email went out to all the residents of Bobb Hall under the subject line Project Decoy, the dorm got a whole lot louder. At the bottom of the message was an audio file and instructions to open it, play it on repeat, pump up the volume and leave the room. Step 5 is, “Now your room is a perfect party-decoy,” writes the author who signs off as the Professor. “It sounds like a sick-nasty rager, distracting the powers at be from where you are having your actual safe, legal, substance-free gatherings.” In the recording are the distinct sounds of bottle caps tinkling and ping pong balls bouncing on the floor. People laugh; a cell phone rings. Someone bellows, “Who wants a shot?” A “chug” chant goes up in a crescendo.The Project seems to have a mission behind it. Claiming to be the “Director of Jungle Chaos,” the Professor seems to be part of an army of anarchists, including “Bobby Fay McCulloch,” the pseudonym behind a series of unofficial emails. They are all determined to “keep the Bobb Dream alive,” which the Professor promises Project Decoy will accomplish.This time, it seems to be working. “People have been playing that in their rooms and the CAs have been knocking on doors for 10 minutes,” says Bobby Fay, who apparently approves and doesn’t plan on going anywhere. “They were going to call the UP.”Advises the Professor, “Just don’t play it during quiet hours, and you’ve broken no rules.”