There are lots of things that bug me: the Charmin commercials with the bears talking about not having enough toilet paper, those plastic packages that don’t really have any logical way of being opened or when people pronounce “height” as “heighth.”
But one thing that has bugged me for some time now is the fact that wherever I seem to go, nobody dates anymore. No dinner, no movie, no porch-light kiss. The romantic, my friends, is dead.
Why does this bug me so? Well, do you remember how things were in the olden days on “Friends”? Every Friend would have a random date with a random person on a random night. And there were all those scenes in which Joey or Phoebe or Ross would go up to a completely random townie in the coffee shop and end up dating them for weeks.
Girls, think about it. When was the last time YOU went out with a tall, dark and handsome alpha male who whisked you off your feet?
And guys, when did you last go ask for a random girl’s number without having first sucked face with her (or gotten her number just for the sake of said face-sucking)?
Maybe it’s just the places I go, or maybe it’s my age. Does this happen when you’re 28? Possibly.
But we’re in Evanston! It’s the dining capital of the North Shore! The restaurants are intimate and the streets are practically designed for romantic snowy walks and sitting on starlit park benches for two. The whole town looks like the cast of “Love Actually” threw up all over it.
Don’t get me wrong. People here do date. But most of the time, the only ones who go on the lovey-dovey kind of dates are the people who are already practically married or in a relationship that’s heading that way. God, what happened to the blind date? Did it die with polio?
Without dates, the world would stop spinning. Gene Kelly would have no “Singin’ in the Rain” dance to do. “Friends” would be about six people who drink coffee. All the world’s warm fuzzies would vanish, leaving behind nothing but the cockroaches and Xbox Live addicts who don’t know what an actual date is anyway.
Why am I in this contemplative romantic mood? It’s almost starting to snow, and Macy’s has started running its Christmas commercials. Pretty soon the claymation holiday specials and Christmas-themed romantic comedies are going to start flooding the airwaves. Meg Ryan movies will be on 24/7. If you’re not going to ask someone out on a date for me, at least do it for Meg Ryan.
Give in to the romantic feeling! Go buy some candles, or hold hands in the snow, or stake out a spot at the Davis El stop and laugh at the people who miss their train or slip on the stairs! The holiday season is the perfect time to remedy the lack of romance in the world.
The next time you’re walking along a cobblestone path (cobblestones = Mother Nature’s way of saying “tap that”), consider my proposal. In this town, romantic dates should be as common as Bentley’s brilliant punditry or Susan writing about being Latina. And me? I’m just trying to spread the love.
