In the past six months, Lindsay Lohan has watched from the sidelines while Paris hooked up with a pizza delivery guy and Brit-Brit was strapped to a gurney. She stopped drinking, reconciled with her estranged father, kicked that alleged cocaine addiction, and even started shooting a new movie (the tango-centric Dare to Love Me). By Us Weekly standards, she’s practically a saint.
And, really, what better way to exploit newfound “good girl” status than by enrolling in a top-tier university – like, say, Northwestern? It’s fitting enough, given that Lohan’s adult career began on the North Shore in Mean Girls. Plus, we’re hearing fictional Wildcat Aaron Samuels is newly single (Hello, sequel!).
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves; Lohan hasn’t even applied yet. If she does, she’ll be treated like any other applicant, says Christopher Watson, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions. “She would be required to submit a transcript, recommendations and standardized test scores,” he explains. “We’d take everything into account.” Including the celebrity status? “Well, we generally don’t have an applicant’s party-going history,” he jokes, referencing bloggers’ daily musings on Lohan’s behavior. “But character counts, and we’d have to make sure she’d be welcomed by faculty and students.”
In 2004, New York University took on a similar challenge by accepting Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. The twins undoubtedly raised the school’s profile: NYU was frequently name-checked in celebrity tabloids (alongside the Full House alums), and applicant numbers soared to record heights in 2005. But while the twins enjoyed Manhattan’s finest – they shared a $7.3 million penthouse – their un-famous classmates dealt with frenzied paparazzi who lurked outside school buildings.
Lohan’s media presence is arguably more potent, and her everyday errands could prove highly disruptive. University Police Assistant Chief Dan McAleer declined to comment (“I don’t do hypotheticals”), but that doesn’t mean we can’t speculate. Just envision the Daily headlines: “Deuce dubbed ‘celebrity hotspot.'” “TMZ swarms Tech.” “Lohan breaks sobriety with Big Cup.”
Let’s keep it real, though: If Lohan actually attended NU, none of that would matter. She’s hot, social and female, so she should care exclusively about sorority rush. (How timely!) Several houses, including Delta Gamma, Delta Delta Delta, and Kappa Kappa Gamma, were contacted about accepting Lohan. But only Kappa Alpha Theta said they’d give her a chance. “Right now, she seems really motivated to do better, and she’s committed to her recovery,” explains Weinberg senior Jaclyn London, a Theta recruitment officer. “Lindsay would be great in our house – assuming she stays off the coke and doesn’t get another DUI.”
Shouldn’t be a problem at NU; after all, we’ve got SafeRide.
