Not only was I beyond excited to listen to Britney Spears’ new album Blackout, but I couldn’t wait to tell you that this was the best thing I’ve heard all year and that you just had to buy it immediately.

Imagine my surprise when Blackout turned out to not only be a huge disappointment but a musical disaster. As a whole, Blackout, Spears’ first studio album since 2003’s In the Zone, fails to deliver anything good. After listening to it from start to finish, all I’m left with is a nasty headache and a $12 charge on my credit card.

In Britney’s defense, the first few tracks are actually pretty tolerable. In fact, they’re so much better than the rest of the album that it’s almost like Britney thought we wouldn’t listen to anything past track five. From the overplayed but still addictive “Gimme More” to “Heaven on Earth,” the album flows nicely from high energy club songs that are almost reminiscent of “Toxic” to the only pop ballad on the album – something Britney used to be famous for.

The vocals on Blackout aren’t exactly earth-shattering, but Britney Spears was never famous for an amazing vocal range. But here we are forced to listen to songs that are almost overproduced. Her voice is so electronically altered that it’s hard to tell if it’s Britney singing or if it’s a robot.

But none of this compares to the horror that is “Toy Soldier,” which comes complete with virtually unrecognizable vocals and ridiculous lyrics: “I’m like a fire, bottle bustin’ in your face/Peek-a-boo, are you good?/Doin’ things you wish you could.”

Britney was churning out tons of number- ones at 17. By now she should be a pro at this. Unfortunately Blackout shows no musical growth and is essentially just a big mess of bad lyrics, distorted vocals and the musical result of a former pop star’s troubled personal life.

“It’s been a while, I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting, but I’m here now,” Britney whispers before “Break the Ice.” Maybe she should have kept us waiting longer, or perhaps indefinitely.

-ALEXANDRA FINKEL