Breezing past the Old Navy racks or through a Delia’s catalog, I’ve always wondered who buys denim shorts. They’re a fashion no-no, and, they’re neither flattering nor stylish. Don’t wear denim shorts. That’s really all I have to say. This column could end here. But if I’m going to be such a bitch, I should explain.

On guys, jean shorts normally involve knee-length cuts that mimic khaki cargo shorts in cut (often including hammer-loops). They’re construction-appropriate, without the paint splotches or utility belt. They’re reminiscent of 12-year-olds, and definitely should be left with that generation.

On girls, denim shorts normally follow the Jessica Simpson model – frayed hems and an obnoxiously short length. Rather than flattering your legs, they frame your genitals. I’m being crude, I know. But denim shorts are a distinct fashion choice. You don’t wear uncomfortably short denim when you’re lazy or looking for comfort. You wear them because they’re sexy or you’re feeling breezy. Combine the two and you just look sleazy.

I’m especially interested in this cause (as interested as one can be in clothes) because I fully support a woman’s right to choose. If you want to wear shorts, go ahead. But realize you’re making a poor choice, especially considering the skirts, Bermudas and new iteration, “city shorts,” that are clogging the market. Nearly everyone looks great in solid A-line skirt, and if you’re looking to show off more of your (hopefully fabulous) legs, one of the best high school remnants is the denim mini-skirt

Guys, if you insist on denim shorts, Levi’s sells some pretty cool denim cut-offs in selvedge-like denim. But these definitely have a hipster feel, so stick with actual Levi’s if that’s not your thing.

Don’t wear denim shorts. If only because you have other options.4

Medill junior Kurt Soller is a PLAY fashion columnist. He can be reached at [email protected].