It’s the time of year when staying warm matters. Ugg boots in all their furry iterations are hugging the feet of Northwestern’s newest sorority sisters (still?) and I’m definitely not the first to snag the wrong North Face at the Deuce. But staying toasty can get ugly. Case in point? The legging.

I understand the Rachel Zoe aesthetic, the mantra that the Lindsays and Nicoles and on-and-off Mary Kates of the world should lose as much weight as possible to wear ludicrous ’80s apparel like flannel shirts, formal shorts and black leggings. Here’s an update: Rachel Zoe was fired, models started dying and the fat girl from Grey’s Anatomy is “dirty hot.”

That being said, leggings look great if you weigh 85 pounds. You definitely won’t have kankles. Your legs definitely won’t resembleTyson drumsticks as you suffocate them with Spandex. Cutting your leg mid-shin might actually provide some definition to your wilting limbs.

But even if you do manage to make your legs look canary thin as they’re swathed in black, you still aren’t in the clear. Your ass will look huge and your feet will look duck-sized. It’s wintertime, and as you skip around in a mini-skirt or long shirt, the pants-wearing world will think you’re ludicrous, or worse yet, disproportionate.

This brings us back to our original problem. If it’s cold outside (or even if it’s temperate), it’s not healthy to be skinny enough to look good in leggings. In other words – your leggings are killing you, and if they aren’t, they’re killing your look.

-Kurt Soller