As a white, Jewish, 19-year-old male, I’ve come to realize there are some things, such as children, Canada and UPN, that I will never understand. That said, I probably shouldn’t have enjoyed Phat Girlz as much as I did.

For those of you who aren’t as ghetto fabulous as I am (a.k.a. Medill sophomore Alex Apatoff) and, consequently, haven’t yet hailed the phenomenon that is Mo’Nique’s latest and greatest film, allow me to enlighten you. Phat Girlz chronicles the story of plus-sized fashion designer Jazmin Biltmore – yes, it’s supposed to sound like “built more” – as she struggles to find love and acceptance in a world full of “skinny bitches.” Also, she eats fried chicken in bed.

Intriguing concept, no? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Like, I loved Mo’Nique in Soul Plane, I loved Mo’Nique in Showtime at the Apollo – how could she go wrong with a movie titled “Phat Girlz”? And, more importantly, how come she can get away with not having a last name, and I can’t? And why does she get an apostrophe? Honestly, that shit is bananas.

But enough about Mo’s diva-licious pseudonym. I know you’re all dying to know what I thought of Phat Girlz, right? Right? Eh, what the hell.

Though I was a bit distracted by the film’s “unorthodox” title – as in, I spent a large chunk of the 99-minute runtime wondering if it was really necessary to replace the ‘s’ with a ‘z,’ or if producers were just trying too hard – I haven’t laughed so hard watching Mo’Nique embrace her bootylicious-ness since the last time I watched an episode of The Parkers (which, for the record, was Monday night).

But Phat Girlz was more than funny; in fact, this movie deserves an Oscar. C’Monday, even with its IMDB.com rating of 1.3/10, I’ll bet it could still whoop the cowboys of Brokeback Mountain. Sure, Jake Gyllenhaal and Co. might boast a couple awards and stuff, but we all know that if Phat Girlz had faced off against Crash, Mo’Nique wouldn’t settle for second-best. She’d lurk backstage, steal the Oscar and bitch-slap Jack Nicholson.

Kirk Honeycutt of The Hollywood Reporter, however, foolishly questions Mo’Nique’s magnificence. “The first word of the movie’s title stands for Pretty Hot and Thick,” he writes of Phat Girlz. “The second word is never spelled out, but it could mean Good Intentions Ruined by Lousy Zingers.” See, I think this guy is full of crap. Phat Girlz might not be the best $7.50 I’ve ever spent, but the jokes, albeit occasionally over-the-top, were far from lousy.

And, Kirk, I sincerely hope you never meet Mo’Nique face-to-face. Because, like Chuck Norris, phat girlz don’t surrender. They kick ass.

Medill sophomore Dan Macsai is the PLAY editor. He can be reached at [email protected].