No more football games in the office. No more free candy. No more racist, homophobic side comments. No more too-hot-for-print headlines. No more intentional losing in Forecasters to avoid writing a column.
No more David Sterrett.
It’s true. The kid-who-ate-too-many-marbles’ reign is over, and while we’re not sentimental, chick flick-loving guys (though Paul’s friend Pixie might argue otherwise), we’ve decided that Sterrett ending his run here at The Daily warrants using some of this space to say goodbye.
In eight beautiful weeks, Sterrett has made some of the dumbest picks ever recorded in his lame attempt to avoid writing this column. Northwestern over Ohio State? Well, bad example.
But the point is that this section of the paper will not be the same next year with Sterrett gone. Not only will we miss his asinine picks, but now, when the Special Friends continue to win, we will not have anyone to make fun of in this column.
Twice we’ve taken the crown, and twice we’ve mocked everything that is David Sterrett. The material practically writes itself. So goodbye and good luck, buddy. And don’t worry — we’ll undoubtedly still write several house ads that make fun of you, too.
Now on to the rest of the competition — if you can really call them that. Elaine and Jerome have constantly boasted about how far ahead of everyone else they are when the Special Friends now actually are ahead of Jerome and not too far behind Elaine on the year. Perhaps they don’t play too close attention to records. Or hygiene. Maybe that’s why we won again. The football gods have a way of not letting those unknown smells slide.
So go ahead Elaine, do your four hours of research before making picks. Jerome, use your omnipotent wisdom to come up with corny joke scores. The Special Friends will, of course, whoop up on you anyway.
We feel sorry for leading you on, and we now regret making some of the fun, not-so-serious picks earlier in the year that allowed two inferior opponents to get an ego boost. So, Elaine and Jerome, here’s to another week of Special Friends dominating and you guys still thinking you’re so much better than us.
